Sins of the flesh.

Jenn Dean was in my dream, I am ashamed. She had control over me, sexually, and it was so much I could hardly stand it. A few times I woke up and my hand was around myself. I’d go back to bed and it was like it was last year, I was aware though that this was new, and fake. I noticed how young she was, like a little girl. How innocent she seemed, even as she rubbed me under the sheets, right in the presence of my good friend who she was dating, who – sigh – she was spooning with on her other side.

I forgot, during these dreams, why this was a bad thing.

I woke up at 10, I knew how ready I was, and I started masturbating. And I brought up old memories of Jenn Dean, of being naked in the shower masturbating in front of her with shampoo. Of (and I use this word to describe exactly what it was we were doing) fucking her, I was angry.

I recalled how strange a time that was, being over at her house consistently, having her pull-out bed out, and then
it started raining outside my window

I’m done now. The worst part about it is when she was touching me in the dream, I went delusional. I started saying to myself “maybe she’s changed, maybe we can go out again, and it’ll be healthier”. Somewhere in the bible it says that the heart lies. My favorite thing about us, as humans as beings, is our souls.

I don’t believe that the soul ever lies. I wonder who figured out we had one?

If you pray, I’d appreciate it very much if you could help me with this, just ask God to lead me in the right directions, and that I’m enough of a real person to listen to Him. Thanks.