rest in my arms, sleep in my bed, there’s a design

Last night I couldn’t get to sleep. My stomach was burning and I was worrying and this morning I woke up and had acid reflux and some other bad stuff my stomach ejected and I went to school and in the middle of class my nose started to bleed and wouldn’t stop for 30 minutes while I held my nose in the bathroom.

Last night I was begging God to change me, change me, heal me, fix me because I couldn’t get a girl off my mind, and knowing full well I was accomplishing nothing, I just wanted to sleep, but the anxiety wouldn’t stop.

I got on the floor last night and turned my computer back on and played a song by Sufjan and closed my eyes and when I opened them they were covered with tear (plural).

“I always knew you, in your mother’s arms, I have called your name.

I’ve an idea placed in your mind to be a better man.

I’ve made a crown for you, put it in your room, and when the bridegroom comes,

There will be noise. There will be glad. And a perfect bed.”

I slept soundly. Some of my favorite moments are on the floor curled up awkwardly being honest about my need for God.

I’ve decided to enjoy every moment of whatever this friendship will be, every different level, or maybe just this level. I am blind. I have to trust that God wants me to be whole. And whatever that means, I’ll have to go where He leads.