Never open again.

For my own sake, I’ll tell you what I’m thinking. I can understand why people so easily have sex, and do things with women (when they are women themselves), and I think, at least in the in person sexual category, you get sucked in because you are pleasuring someone, you are controlling how they are reacting, and some of the disgusting stuff I watched tonight, I see why. I feel despicable, This is my alcohol. The urge got really bad tonight, and I happened across a small picture with “brief nudity”, and it led to 3 hours of sin. I’m gonna be feeling this for a few days, probably. I’m so lonely, it’s not an excuse, and I think when I’m doing this stuff, watching and watching and literally just becoming Gollum, I think “I cannot have a girlfriend”, in the sense that I’m so disgusting and wrong to do what I’m doing, and I don’t stop, and I just want the feeling to go on and on, get as much in as possible, before I stop and start to feel bad. I don’t know what else to say. I close my eyes, and I see boobs. I’m not joking.