My loins are going nuts today.

I’m praying for God to help me. I feel really bad for people living in Lebanon and Israel. That’s really sad. My mother had a hysterectomy and they found cancer in her uterus once they had taken it out. It’s not really affecting me. I feel more sorrow for those with destruction all around them than my own mother. This upsets her, obviously. I love my mom.

Last night there was some HBO documentary on call girls and I kept sneaking peeks, then I would switch away because it’s not right. But I like breasts a lot. 🙂

🙁

I’m not giving in. I feel a lot better not doing it, and it’s upsetting sacrificing it. I know sexual feelings are awesome. I know that I’ve been given them, and that I’ve used them with disregard to God and his plan, and I feel like someday I’ll have a wife who will complete this part of me, which right now is like the frayed end of a shirt.

Phew.

My mother’s womb had cancer. The word womb makes me feel all warm inside. Cancer.

I find it interesting that we die, from a spiritual perspective. My mom is really scared of death. I definitely understand it, and it is really scary, I mean…that we might not exist anymore? I mean, even with faith in a God who restores life, there is a moment, I imagine, where you just have to close your eyes and jump and hope that hands catch you. I imagine it’s a lot like falling.

I guess I just find it interesting that we still have to go through that process of our bodies dying. It’s a very humbling thing, which is cliché to say, but — we are weak, and our death is proof of it.

We must rely on God for strength; for life.