May/Eight/Six

My heart has been acting up for the past few days, maybe because I gained too much weight and my heart isn’t used to my horrible blood pressure? And I feel dizzy about 3 or 4 times a minute, and I’m scared. It also might be that it has to do with my getting off anti-depressants.

Which, by the way, has made me a lot more emotional. When I said I was scared back there, I meant I want to cry. I meant my nose sounds stuffy and I’m holding back tears. I also listen to the The Hudsucker Proxy soundtrack on the way to work, and whenever the music builds up in the theme and bursts out, I laugh out loud and tears fill my eye cavities.

I had a doctor who works next door check my heart rate and he said it was normal. Last night when it was happening (and what happens is I get lightheaded and weak for a split second, and I almost feel the blood not reaching the ends of my arms and brain) I prayed to God to heal me, and at that second the ends of my arms got cool and it stopped for fifteen minutes, until I told someone and it started up again.

Another side-effect of getting off the pills is my appetite has become unstoppable. I’m sure it’s just my way of replacing the “safe” or high feeling the drug gave me with the serotonin released by eating food. Which would lead me to believe that maybe I do have bad blood pressure now.

Bye.