In formation.

Had a conversation with my roommate about Jesus, how he relates to saying “the first will be last and the last will be first.” He’s (my roommate) very against pastor’s making more than a secretary working in the church, since Jesus lived his life in such a way that it overturned that system. The tallest becoming the smallest. Should the church (as an organization) be run in such a way that people make more than others? I get paid $100 per minute of video that I create for them; the person cleaning the trash cans after the service does it for free. So my roommate is sort of saying, should people be compensated for their differing skills differently? Isn’t that a part of the “world” that we are supposed to not be a part of?

We live in a capitalistic society. That’s the culture this church (organization) is based in.

I feel like God has been separating me from my society recently. Showing me that it is a separate entity and not a part of me. Capitalism, for instance, is a form of government. It surrounds me. It is not my basis anymore. He’s been making America seem foreign to me. I don’t think the point God is trying to make is that capitalism is bad. Communism isn’t bad.

Okay God, I’ll dig in. What do you want me to do with this capitalism? The first shall be last and the last shall be first. I don’t understand life outside of capitalism. I get what I need, I get what I want sometimes, I can give. It seems to work. It drives experimentation, exploration, invention. The cons are there’s poor people. The cons are there is greed. Shouldn’t people be paid on what their trade is worth? What is payment, should we only be provided for with what we need?

I film. I need a camera to film. But it is only a want. Something I’ve been trained can be used for you. Can it be? Who is it helping? It’s an artistic expression of the world. You can work in it. You work in culture, through the tools of culture. My film, for you, is no different than someone cleaning the garbage. Is it okay that I get paid more? If so, why?

What am I really adding to your kingdom by doing film? How do I live in capitalism without it being a part of the structure of my mind? You became the lowest of us all — how do you want me to live?

Do you want me to volunteer at Summit? I think you do.