I’m tired.

onight I saw a movie, “Burn Before Reading”, which I liked even with its flaws and it has no third act.

Which was funny.

I’m sitting in Tony’s room. He’s laying on his mat, with his computer open. We talk intermittently. This is what relationship is in 2008.

I write it here, and don’t say it to my friend. If I could, I would just talk to people about my thoughts, about what I’m about to say: I miss Africa, but America is my home. How do I bring what I learned in Africa about life to this place? At this moment, its gone. I felt an absence of it tonight. There’s a difference, because usually I just don’t think about it. Tonight I remembered.

The plane flight, mostly. Being with people. Yes, I exaggerate the emotions of it in my mind, but Africa was really great.

No computers.

I am not ready for a relationship, obviously, with the way I am undisciplined. I’m thinking about dropping out of 1 of my 5 classes, because I have slacked, and I want to do better, and I wonder if having 5 classes and work and etc. is really the best way to Start being disciplined. So I’ll be praying about that.

I’m going to pray tonight, I’m going to sleep, I don’t feel at home anywhere right now but in downtown Orlando. Winter Park doesn’t feel like home, …really just Winter Park doesn’t feel like home.

I used to write things all over my hands. “discipline” would be what I would have written, if I still did that. I used to write “serve” or “open” or “faith hope and love”, but now I don’t. I try to pray about it, pray that it becomes written on my very soul, my heart, my mind. I think too little of my mind. It is God’s also.