I pass by Gabriella Ln.

One month ago we drove to Geneva, a kind of wilderness area. We had just decided that we would be that ambiguous thing. That night was the night we looked at a set of cows on a dark street, and they looked back. The street was Gabriella Ln. It’s a block from my house (I live in a former farming area).

On the way home from the biannual Beach Baptism, I thought about where God wanted me to go with this. He absolutely wants me to keep my mind up there with him. But how am I supposed to figure out what a friendship looks like without thinking about it?

I realized that he wants control, always. And I realized, and this is how it relates to Gabriella Ln: That night, I felt led by the spirit to bring up boundaries. That we needed them, that we couldn’t keep hanging out like this, that we probably need to just be friends, and not even best friends (since we both had feelings). Inside I fought myself, kind of, but I knew that I was following him, and he would bless my steps, even the ones that could potentially change “my world” (exaggeration, but in my mind I’m used to being in control). I brought it up to her, let it roll out and followed him.

I don’t know what happened. I don’t know whose idea it was to not continue on that path. Obviously it takes two. She never wanted that path in the first place; at some point, I took control, even just slightly.

While I feel I took control and didn’t allow him to, I don’t necessarily feel I completely turned my back on his will. I think I just turned it a bit my way.

So: I realized, on the ride home today, what does friendship look like? Exactly what it would have looked like after Gabriella Ln., after the cows.

I took a 3 week detour, having a semi-relationship, in place of the friendship he was building. I know I did not ruin it. This is not what he wanted, though. He can redeem all things.

One month ago, in a place where she “had feelings” but didn’t want to date, I would have had no clue as to how God would bring us together in the future, or even if he would. I’m in the same place now. Only difference is I didn’t get to choose it. I didn’t get to choose to honor him with my life.

So, I am on the other side, and I am going to honor him, and I going to follow him, and I called her tonight. She didn’t answer. I’m okay with it. It is one month ago.

We are friends. God has given me the gift of a friend.

Jon