I disagree.

I talked tonight about “God”. I sincerely dislike talking about “God”. In a way I guess it’s okay to hear about him, and any way I talk about this will seem…I hate it when I can’t think of the word I want to use, because I really want to use it and there’s so much more to come, but that word…condescending. I’m just going to say it, and if seems like that, try to understand that I really wish it weren’t; but I just don’t know any other way to word it. It seems very complicated, but I don’t think it is. God. It could have something to do with my need for extremes, Christianity having an absolute good and evil — the best way I can describe it is if I were best friends with Tom Cruise (so he’s not perfect) and a friend of mine was a huge Tom Cruise nut, posters all over the walls, every movie bought (and re-bought when DVD’s came out) and ¿do I deserve Tom Cruise as my friend? Who does. (Bad thing/good thing?) But I am, and I tell my friend how down to earth Tom is, etc., and my friend keeps telling me that no, in fact, Tom Cruise is a god.

God is God, yes, but he also wants you to know Him, He wants to be with you.

Or as tonight was, some friends that don’t believe in right and wrong, don’t believe in sin, and think we are all gods. So we talked a lot about “God”. The Tom Cruise version, this God way out there that is generally out of focus, a gigantic smudge across the window pane of life, a God I don’t understand and can’t. It wreaks of egotism, stubborness and human error. But I guess you could say the same of Christianity, and this is not against them, because I like them a lot. I can love, even if I don’t like you at all, I can try, but the fact is I like them.

I’ve had some experiences obviously that have brought me here, to Christ, to love. It’s all a walk, or run or trip, so this is where they are and I am.

Whenever I doubt, which isn’t usually but is happening right now (literally) I can always draw back on the fact of those experiences, which they obviously can’t.

From my high tower, admittedly, I’m looking at people on the street and I wonder why they do everything but the thing that works. They look everywhere, but forget they have a blind spot. I am a lowly form, am I God? Do I have the potential to make universes with breath? Can I make breath? I Am Created.

Out of the tower now. What a strange existence. The art house of art house.