Halloween is early November 1st for college kids.

Here’s a secret: I’m a bit anti-social because I’m shy. People are having a halloween party across the street and as I walked inside they offered me some drinks even though I’m not dressed up, and I said no 3 times, as if I were Peter speaking against his messiah. I want to go over there, I want to mingle, but I am uncomfortable around people I don’t know. If I had alcohol in me I wouldn’t be, probably. Man.

I went and tried to talk to a girl today at her work, at a nice “chill” tea and coffee place that has hookahs. It was, as observed about me already in this entry, uncomfortable. I live with my mother for God’s sake. I know it’s not as bad as it sounds, but, right now I feel pretty dumb walking into a house which is asleep with two people that are considered to be senior citizen’s by Denny’s standards, and not walking into a house that is drunk and throwing up. Anyway, the conversation really wasn’t that bad, I just don’t know how to read girls, so I have to blindly assume that they probably aren’t interested BUT: they’re not NOT interested.

I’m probably going to start going to this tea and coffee place more often with my laptop (which I don’t own yet) and my bible, and try and kill time? I don’t know. How the hell do you start something? I know you put yourself in the right place, and that place I guess would be the place she works…?

I wanna go for a walk, in hopes I’ll get invited in again, and not be involved in it whatsoever, what fun is that? To go to a drunken party and not want to get drunk, or to go to church and not want to connect with God, it’s a waste of time. So, I ‘d meet some people I’d never see again.

I can’t think about what I don’t have, I have to think about what I do, and I have to work towards the other things. I have Joy. (My friend’s wife’s name is Joy, and I just though about how when he writes that it means something totally different and a lot more full to him.) I have Joy. I have Joy. I need to work toward being okay being uncomfortable and quiet and not trying to pass these feelings off to others.

My step-father just let out a loud snore. Lord, I would like a lover, in the fullest sense. (By that I mean not just the sexual meaning.) Lord, please help me. Please bring me to a woman who is okay with how uncomfortable I unvariably will be when I meet her. I think I’m going to go for a walk.

amy & baby

You need to be more confident. Confidence is sexy.

maybe you should talk to your doctor and take some zoloft or something. Social anxiety can limit your life. Unless you like your life the way it is. But if you don’t, look into social anxiety disorder treatment.

Weird-n-Wacky

I found your entry on the front page, but I just wanted to say that I understand a lot of what you seem to be going through. It’s really hard to constantly battle against ourselves.

I know the feeling. But, I think shyness is a virtue; and to the contrary– it’s those annoying extraverts that need meds. Personally, I don’t like noisy parties… having to make small talk with people I don’t know… it’s all so exhausting. I’d much rather prefer to go to the library or the museum or just go out with a few close friends, or just stay home and rent a movie. Some people like social parties, some don’t, and that’s okay because we all have our preferences. At any rate, you needn’t get drugged on Zoloft to socialize at a party where people are getting drunk to do the same thing (socialize). Being shy myself, I choose my friends wisely. It isn’t a confidence issue, per se, it’s just that I don’t favor typical extraverts. Don’t let society fool you, shyness is a charm.

dj_johnnyquest

i’ve never felt dumb walking into my parent’s house.

Harley Quinn

November 1, 2006

I’m painfully shy sometimes and that’s oftened coupled with a slightly depressive quality that makes me terribly antisocial. In the past, I’ve had to force myself to go out. I have a few friends that really count, some acquaintances, and one amazing best friend in the form of my fiance… but I wouldn’t have met him if my friend hadn’t forced me out to go listen to his band practice. You neverknow where you’ll meet the love of your life. 😉

Me, too.

Truth_Finder

helena everything

November 2, 2006

confidence is sexy, and there is a delightful medium between asleep-senior-citizen house and drunk-throwing-up house.

Raymond Rowley King

In my RRK diary I have catalogued as many of the paintings of Raymond Rowley King as I can find, with some commentary. Your name was on an ‘community’ list for people interested in Art, so I was hopeful that you might come look at his work.