Had a dream last night.

In it, a group of us were flying in a private jet to Paris or Alaska (it was unclear/switched). As we got closer the pilots started having fun and made the jet roll upside down a few times, which we all enjoyed. As they came down to land (and the runway was somehow situated between skyscrapers in a big city) they came in too fast. They missed the runway and had to pull up, almost hitting a building. The plane started flipping uncontrollably (nose, tail, nose, tail) and I had faith in the pilots since they did the rolls so well, thought this was just another trick. We started coming down, still flipping, and the pilots says “we lost the engine!” and boom we crash into the street very fast, very hard, nose first and slide.

Later in my dream state I was freaking out about Amber, not wanting to trust God. He said “would you trust those pilots again?” I thought of the experience, the fun, the beauty, and then the mishandled landing and crash. “No.” I understood. He was relating to me what my trust in my feelings is like: ridiculous.

“Trust in me.”

The mornings are always the toughest. Throughout the day I build up strength and trust, and then I sleep, and seemingly take a few steps back. But I am better than yesterday morning. And the morning before that. I think I might call her today around noon. I prayed about it. I feel lead to. I am just spiritually exhausted.