Faith.

The sky is so blue, but I don’t think that’s why I’m looking at it. It’s peaceful.

I’m researching Hindu beliefs right now, not purposely — I’m trying to get together a mission-trip to Bonnaroo next year with my church…I’m not sure if it’s a good idea or not. I guess it is. I don’t know.

I like researching religion and mythology, but at some point it becomes unhealthy for me, and so I look outside to the sky. And it’s blue.

I feel very much like a hippie right now; I’m also researching this thing called “The Rainbow Family” — not researching, just looking around the web a bit really.

I feel lost.

What is “The Rainbow Family”? From a website: “Some say [it’s] the largest non-organization of non-members in the world.” It’s a bunch of peace-loving, spiritually minded people who gather in National Forests once a year for several days and spread the love. (I’m not saying it’s an orgy, just that they like peace and love.) While there, there is no buying, only giving and bartering. Different art projects are started — murals, stone sculptures, etc — and music is played by a lot of people. 25,000 “hippies” usually go every year. It’s so weird to think about.

They follow a Native American tradition, but the people that go are many things: atheist, deist, buddhist, and even christian.

I’ll be honest — that kind of living scares me. Am I closed minded? Probably. And people there spend hours upon hours chanting and praying and fasting…

(This world is so big.)

At times like these, it’s hard to see a personal God. I can imagine it being very easy to see God in nature, God as mother earth, God as sustainer but not savior.

In a way I want to go out there and experience it. The thing is, it seems so easy and free. When I look out at the sky right now, it seems free. The drug culture too, with LSD, it seems so freeing.

(Is it fulfilling?)

I’m dressed in all light blue today. I’m praying, more humbly and more open than I have in a while.

This is what it boils down to: I was lost for many years, and then two years ago I was found and then a year and a half ago I let go of what I wanted and held on to what I needed, and He rescued me.

(Because I allowed Him to.)

This is a king who comes to serve, not to be served. It’s ludicrous. But it makes so much sense.