(Don’t let the content fool you: I am single.)

I talked to a man just now who works just down the hall from me. (The location I work at is housed within a christian counseling center, which also houses people who do accupuncture and botox injections, both of which are christian-owned.)

Marriage has been on my mind a lot lately. So have naked women. So I’m really battling right now with lust, and yesterday I watched pornography of the more hardcore variety (it was “Real Sex”, but it was kind of disgusting; it was like a real life version of “Eyes Wide Shut”). Man. I am just addicted.

I was at work today and I was reading about this movie I want to see called “Dear Wendy” and on some message board it was saying how the lead girl in the movie shows her breasts, and immediately my soul felt like it was covered in honey or something, and I just I needed to see this picture (because some one had posted it online) and…this is not good, if I’m looking for a wife; I can’t be a good husband like this.

So, the man who I talked to in the hallway: for whatever reason we ended up on the topic of his divorce that’s going on as we speak (the guy’s like 59, I believe) and he’s a christian too, so it was really a blessing to hear this from him. One of the things he said, having no knowledge of my plight with porn, was that one of the reasons the marriage is ending is that at points he didn’t neccesarilly obey God like he should have.

(Funny fact: the guy’s worst fear has always been divorce, and his name just happens to be Ivor, which is only missing a “D” from the front and a “CE” from the back. He mentioned this to me.)

(I want to serve my wife.)

One last thing: in the past to stop myself from masturbating I’ve had to audibly say “no”, which would be directed toward the deciever. What I decided last night is that instead of acknowledging the devil’s power over me, I’m going to start saying “yes”, and it’s going to sound dumb, but it’s saying yes to following Jesus, which would mean sacrificing what I really, really want.

My pastor said the other day that he doesn’t know one person that regrets obeying God. I don’t know where you are or what you’re going through, but I know God’s been calling me to do this, and I have insistently been saying no.

Say yes.