Derek Webb is comforting to me.

I feel like what I’m doing is hiding my weaknesses, and it’s very uncomfortable, but I don’t…I’m afraid of being hurt. That’s what it is. It’s like I’m on the edge of a cliff and I’m thinking of all the different things that are wrong with me and my ankle and maybe my weight will be too much for the jump, I think these are good points, and I should think about them, but right now I’m killing myself rubbing it in how messed up I am (am I?) and how weak I am, and everyday I come up to this cliff, and it seems in the past when I’ve jumped I do fall and break something…but just ’cause I’m weak doesn’t mean I can’t do it. Maybe instead of jumping I should climb down, and pray and pray and pray that I don’t break anything if I do slip, and that God will be with me on the way down, and that he‘ll protect me, and he‘ll bless me. I’m getting nowhere standing up here though, other than giving myself vertigo.

I went to Athens, then Atlanta, then Asheville and just got back an hour ago. I saw Sufjan Stevens. Over the next few days I cried and battled with myself and God and he rubbed away the crust on my heart, I guess my yearly check-up, and it hurt and I needed it so badly. I laughed a lot with my friend Josh and his wife, and I felt natural near the end, but I don’t really know what that means.

I’ll be going to church in a bit, and hopefully I won’t slip. Will you pray for me?