Bookend.

She wrote me a response letter, telling me that the minute I started being possessive I pushed her far away from ever dating me.

As I wrote her a response, she imed me on gmail.

We talked about the phone call, how she was frustrated about it.

I sent her what response I had written so far:

As I said yesterday, it’s a weakness of mine that God is continually working on, and something that can really only be worked on when it rears its ugly head. Sanctification is a process.

And then said

that is one of my flaws. so, if u dont want to work with it, it’s good that it happened i guess.
but
from my perspective, imagine how it looked

She said

I know how it looked.
And I apologize for the timing.
I suppose a number of issues between you and I are hanging on bad timing
I do think, though, that possessiveness is not something to be dealt with IN a relationship, but rather prior to one.

And I said

🙂
its not something i deal with outside of a relationship
i used to
with friends
but that went pretty quickly after converting to following jesus
this has not

it went through tremendous growth the past few days
so in a way i thank you for the space
but u can only plan so much
sin tends to choose the worst times to come out

speaking of this in a hindsight perspective
i think god wanted it to come out
i think thats a big reason he had us not hang out everyday
because when the person is there everyday, it has no reason to come out
it is reassured

Her

Perhaps.

im glad u saw it
im sad that it completely ruins any hope
but

(u ever write “but” and not know what u said it for?)

She

haha.
Occasionally.
So.
Friends?
(Hesitation)

I didn’t want to just say yes. I like to know what I’m saying. I needed to humble myself, and truly accept the fact that we will only be friends.

And I said,

yes.

So that’s the end for now. Her boyfriend is going to start coming to our church now. Fun.

I’m glad it didn’t work out. If she can’t deal with unflattering and ugly parts of people — I mean, obviously there’s a difference between being a drug abuser or a physically abusive person in a relationship — but if a part of me that is still being genuinely worked through is enough to send her running?

I need a wife with a little more grace than that. We’ll see what God does.

“Grace, grace, God’s grace, grace that will pardon and cleanse within.”