Be a man.

I don’t know how to feel. My father set up a sort of religious intervention yesterday concerning me moving in with people who weren’t Christian, who were going to have friends who would “steal my stuff”, how I was going to have horrible credit, how I was going to fail.

When I put it like that I know I shouldn’t take anything they say to heart. But it wasn’t that straightforward.

I reacted like a child. I know my dad means well, and I know that some of that even has merit (I have thought about it) but he seems to place his fears into me.

My father and I got into a fight the other day, and this lady blamed it on my fears of the apartment coming out. She told me that that was why I was upset.

It’s not.

But she wouldn’t hear that, and she wouldn’t hear anything, and it just turned out with me being a jerk and her and my father making me as worry-filled as I used to be about everything.

And that’s not their fault, really. No one can make me respond or feel any which way, that was my doing really.

I woke up today having had two dreams (remembered ones, at least). In the first I had had sex with Sarah (don’t worry Sarah, I don’t think that any actual thrusting took place in the dream) in some big landscape of lakes and mountains and pools of water. We were skinny-dipping at night. It ended with her saying she didn’t know if she could trust me anymore. I shrugged and said okay, because that’s her decision. And I’m not her.

The second had Tess in it she had weird contacts in her eyes that made her look prettier than usual. I don’t remember much from this dream other than waking up feeling empty and lonely, something I really haven’t felt in a month.

It is a problem when you feel like praying won’t change anything.