A note I left.
I commit sexual sins, I’m not talking about sex, but masturbation, and lust, and you know letting it take over, and this is a sanctuary, my body, I can feel that it’s wrong but lust wins, I let it win, and when I’m done I already feel bad. What I don’t understand is forgiveness. So God, I mean, first of all, I’m always going back on it. I ask forgiveness and I do it again.
What’s worse is during I just disregard Him, I know He’s there and I do it. I feel a lot of guilt right now. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m sick of, in a way, lying to God everytime He forgives me. I know he realizes I’ll mess up again, and yet He forgives me anyway.
I also don’t want to do a thing I used to do which is self conviction, where I’m making myself feel bad enough that then I’m forgiven. I want only God to convict me, and to know that it’s not because of my guilt that He forgives, not because of how bad I feel or beat myself up about it.
Why does God forgive?
That’s a good question. But if you think about it, everyone commits so many different sins and He forgives them(or at least they hope He does), so I wouldn’t think too much about it.
Warning Comment
i wrote a poem called “my stuggle” on http://www.brianbaker.info. i wonder if you wouldnt mind reading it and telling me if you can relate to it.
Warning Comment