Thursday Morning

April 5,2018

I am up and faced with another day. I didn’t sleep too good. I went to bed early last night Woke up at 1 went back to bed for a couple hours and I was up for good at 3.

I have had a lot of shit on my mind the last few days. Been thinking about my caregiver. I think I have groan really tired of her. I am tired of her dumping personal problems in my lap. I am tired of her not showing up for work. I am tired of her involving me with her fraudulent log sheets. I think this is the biggest issue i have wit her but there is more.  I think the biggest prob lem I have is not coming to work when she is supposed to be here and making the time up on the weekend. Then on the log sheets she will put down that she worked on the days she missed. This is fraudulent and the more I think about it the more uncomfortable I get

All of this has been on my mind lately. What I need to do is call the agency and report her ass. I I am very reluctant to do this for several reason. The main reason is that I fear they will fire her. I will not get a caregiver and inspection is around the corner. Worker says she has no problem in helping me pass inspection which is coming up next month.  Then I am afraid she will come to my apartment and make a big scene. I hate strife and confrontations. I also have no real proof. She could tell the agency that I am  lying and they will believe her. That I will be dropped from the program for causing too much trouble. I keep thinking if I report her all of these things and more will happen.

I kept thinking and thinking about this and it has been on my mind all day yesterday. I kept telling myself I need to make the call Then I kept putting it off. Then I got mad because she reported off from work again. I got mad and depressed because she didn’t c come but in a way I was glad she didn’t show up.I was not in the mood for her drama. Then i got very depressed and anxious about the situation. I just wanted to escape ffrom it all.

I had an appointment with my chiropractor yesterday afternoon. I cancelled it. I just wasn’t feeling good. I called my case manager I asked her to come down. She came down around 4. I told her about the situation with my caregiver. She said I need to call the agency. She also said that she could not do it. At this point I was hoping she would call them. She said she can be here for moral support but I need to talk to them myself. I asked if I would get in trouble and she said no. We talked about the time when she could be down. I have a Dr. Isla appointment on Monday morning. We can do it then. So I guess I am going to make the call on Monday.