Things have been really screwed
April 26,2018
It has been awhile since I last wrote. Things have been really screwed up. First of all depression and anxiety have been through the roof. Several times I have had thoughts of suicide. I probably should have gone to the hospital on more than one occasion. The problem is there are no facilities in my area for mental health patients. They would ship me down state to Sharp or Fairmont. God knows how long I would have lasted in those facilities. God knows what would have happened down there. God knows how I would have gotten back home. Fear of this unknown kept me from the hospital. Fear of what might happen to me after I die kept me from killing myself.
April was one hell of a month. Everything was pure crazy. The source of all the problem was this one caregiver I had. Stephanie was her name. I do not know where to begin with this fucked up story. Make a long story short I fired her last Sunday. There were many reasons why I fired her. I think I had her for three months. From the beginning I tried to set clear boundaries. I wanted to keep our relationship strictly professional. I just wanted her to come in do her job and leave. She kept pushing the boundaries. She talked about her personal problems. She wanted to meet Anne. Anne wanted to stay out of the picture at first. But she kept insisting that my fiance come up to talk. Eventually they did. Getting too; close to us and saying we were her “friends” proved to me mistake number one.
I wrote about this i a previous entry. One day Stephanie came to work She was really upset. Stephanie gave her daughter Lexi her debit card. Lexi used it. The trouble was she wrote two checks and because Lexi used the debit card she didn’t have enough in her account to cover her checks. Stephanie was really upset about this saying I do not know what to do about this. Those checks will bounce. I will be charged nfs fees and all other charges. She was practically crying. She was behind on her rent and showed me an eviction letter from HUD. She said because of these bounced checks I will not have money to pay my rent Foolish me I offered her $50. She and her friend took me to my bank. I got a cash advance on my credit card for $50 and gave it to her.
There were a lot of other incidents. We had this thing going. She was supposed to come to work for me between 9-11 Monday through Friday. She would miss a lot of days. Say for example she would report off on Monday. She would come to work on Saturday to make up for the day. Problem with that was that she would put down on the log sheet that she work for Monday and I would sign off on that. Anne pointed out to me that this was very deceptive and fraudulent and I could get into big trouble with her for medicaid.
There were a lot of other things as well. I really been through hell with this caregiver. Last straw came last Sunday. I had reached my limit over a FB message she sent to Anne. I wrote her a message I said I do not want you to contact me and am, no longer in need of your services. I fired her I am glad to be rid of her.
I think done with caregivers. I was with this one agency called WV Choice. I’ve had problems with almost everyone they sent me. The last two were the worse. I want to be more self sufficient. I want to take care of things myself. Apartment isn’t in too mad a shape for inspection next month. If I can keep it clean and neat I should do ok with inspection. I do not need anyone. I can do the job myself. It is a matter of getting off my lazy ass and working.