No More Smoking

June 5,2018 3:17 am

One thing that made me depressed this past weekend was my inability to quit smoking cold turkey. My original quit date  was Friday. I did  not last a day without a cigar. I did all right. Like I said I went to the bank and Wal Mart . I had a very bad time in Wal Mart and had  a bad anxiety attack. When I got home I busied myself by putting my stuff away. Then I sat down to read. This was when the cravings started. I did not give in. By the time 2 pm came around I was a basket case. I was really strung out. Anne came up. She hated to see me in that state. She said why did you start today? Why don’t you wait until you get your nicotine lozenge on Monday? I said I wanted to try to quit cold turkey I thought I was doing ok but I was not, Around 3 I gave in and had a cigar.

I really felt bad for not being to go cold turkey. I felt very weak. Once again I said to myself I failed. I really wanted to quit but failed. I kept thinking along these lines and that only made the cravings worse. Also, I kept telling myself that I will not qualify for the WV Quit Line program. I was running in for some problems. At the suggestion of My pharmacy I called them I didn’t have the right information. They wanted to know the dose . The Quit line told me to call my pharmacy. I called them back and the second time they wanted to know the number of lozenges. By then it was too late to call the pharmacy. I had to wait all weekend to call them on Monday morning.

I was really worried that I would not be accepted,.This past weekend was hell. I kept thinking about it and the more I thought about it the worse the cravings became. I was so discouraged. I said to myself I will not be able to quit smoking on my own. This only made me want to light up. I am afraid I smoked all weekend. Smoking relieved the cravings but I felt very depressed and anxious. The more I smoked the more depressed, anxious and irritable I got. The more I think ab out it I realize this was what brought on the latest depressive episode.

I got some good news Monday. They qualified me for the program. I was told I could pick them up or have them delivered Monday. I called the pharmacy this morning and they told me they will deliver them free of charge this afternoon. Same came around 3 today. I took my first dose then. It says on the box I take one e very four hours. I will not be able to take another one until 7 this evening.

I really do want to quit. I have enough reasons to quit. For one thing I can’t afford them anymore. Like I said my rent has gone up as well as my cable bill. Plus my apartment building is going smoke free on August 1. We will not be able to smoke anywhere in the building. I keep thinking of having to go outside in the dead of winter for a cigarette. This is something I do not want to do. I keep thinking I might as well quit now aso I will be ahead of the game.