Monday Morning

April 2,2018

It is Monday. I survived the weekend. I really did not want to get out of bed today. I was up around 3 this morning. I laid on the couch and must have went back to sleep. I remember having some weird dreams but couldn’t tell you what they were about. Also had some muscle spasms in my right leg. I just laid on the couch going in and out of sleep. I was up for good around 7 this morning.

So far I am not having a good day. I feel very depressed and anxious. I am worried about my credit card balance. I have that thing almost maxed out. I made a hundred dollar payment this month,  I am worried about finances. I will be getting a social security check tomorrow. That will be for $670. Out of this comes Comcast which is $155.80 then rent of $218 I will be left with $296.20 I will buy 3 cartons of cigars for $45 meds and laundry for $25 and any cleaning supplies for $26.20 I should have $200 left for groceries. I will have nothing left over.

May is going to be worse. I will have to pay an additional $25 for a/c. My rent will go up to $243. Comcast $155.80; Rent $243; Credit Card $80′ Cigars $45; Med and Laundry $40 Cleaning supplies $30 I will have $176.20 for groceries. I think that will be enough to get through.

I worry about finances a lot. Then I do not do anything to cut back. I ended up buying three books this month. I do not need anymore damned books. They were books about my favorite authors but I need books like I need a whole in the head. I worry about the damned credit card balance but use the credit cardd . At this rate I will never get it paid off. Felt that I really fucked up this month with the finances.

Then I am upset about the caregiver situation. The more I think about t it the more I think she is taking advantage of me. She should be and work from 9-11. She comes at her own schedule. Sometimes she does not come at all. I rfeallly do not think this is right.  Her erratic work schedule has been a problem from the start. I’m really getting tired of the whole stiuation with Stephanie.