Friday Morning No More Cigars

June 1, 2018 5:47 an

Well I am back. This is the day I will be quieting smoking. I set the date for the first of the month. If I get help from the Quit line that will be great. If not then I will try to do it cold turkey. I remember a long time ago when I was on Open Diary. Instead spending money for cigarettes I made computer payments. I found OD and typed away. I had no money for smokes and whenever I got a craving I got on OD and typed away. I used cigarette money for something else. I found a replacement to satisfy the nervous energy that drove me to smoking. Since my rent and cable bill has gone up I have no money for cheep cigars. I plan on using the money I save from smoking to pay off the credit card bill. Whenever I get the urge to smoke I will simply get on the computer and write in my diary.

I have an ashtray and a pack of cigars sitting in front of me. Normally when I wake up I fix my coffee in the morning and light up. I am not doing it this time. I want to quit. So I am typing away at with nothing wondering what I can write about

Well today is check day. I paid my Comcast and Credit card bill online. No problem there. I wish I could pay my rent online so I don’t have to go to the bank. Hell I wish I could buy groceries online and have them delivered so I don’t have to go to Wal Mart. I hate Wal Mart because anxiety always gets to me. Store is so big and I always have trouble walking around. I also hate it because a big part of my check goes to Wal Mart. I spend most of my money there for groceries and the rest to Barnes and Noble. But I need groceries and it is off to Wal Mart I go.

I really feel bad this month.  Normally Anne and I get the van driver to take us to the bank and Wal Mart on the 1st. We have been going out together on the first ever since we been together. It is like a tradition. Unfortunately, the van driver is not running today. She has to get to the bank and Wal Mart. She is going to walk down to the bank and get the bus to Wal Mart. She also has arthritics in her knees. She will be in a lot of pain today.  This is when she needs a case manager. But the geniuses at Healthways have decided that she does not need one. It is not right.

I’ve been really craving a cigar. Temptation is so strong right now. But I am determined to quit. Like i said I will be saving about $45 a month.  Then I will be living in a smoke free apartment building as of August 1st. This is when the Housing Authority is going to implement a no smoking policy. We cannot smoke anywhere in the building in even in our own apartments. It is mandated by HUD They have a smoking area outside set up I keep thinking it will not be fun going out in the cold and snow just to have a cigar. Can’t smoke anywhere around here even in our own apartments. It is pretty bad almost like living in a police state but they are trying to get people to quit smoking.

I have two months to go. I might as well stop now. Then when the first of August comes around it wont be much of a shock to the system.  This is the main reason why I want to quit. I do not want to go outside and associate with these people. I keep telling myself I do not want to be going out in the dead of winter just to smoke. I do not want to be forking out money for cigars because I can’t afford them Then if I stop smoking maybe I will not get so short of breath and I would be able to walk better. All of this are my motivations I keep telling myself I can do this. I can really do this.