Lying

He’s lying, he doesnt realize that I pay attention. When he fights me after asking a question or justifies things, I know hes lying about something or doing something he’s not supposed to. When hes calm and answers me instead of fighting, I know he’s being honest. Last night he cut his hair trimed his beard(which he only does when hes met someone) and then I found him talking on the phone outside so when I asked who he was talking to , he said his “homeboy” when i said I thought you didnt have anyone’s number are you back on facebook? He flipped everything on me, said some ugly shit then justfied how he can do what he wants but wouldnt answer the question. I’ve been having panic attacks daily, so he asked me what i was doing to have panic attacks. It’s not me thats doing anything, the panic attacks are because I’m in a hostile environment living on eggshells wondering when he’s going to trip and kill me because hes high on meth every single day. The panic attack is from not knowing if hes coming or going or loving me or hating me that day. The anxiety comes from not knowing if this is going to be a good day or a bad day where I feel awkward in my home because he can’t stand me even breathing. The anxiety comes from the way he treats me, and how he makes me feel so low and hated. He doesnt get that though if i mention it he makes sure I know its my fault he’s like this. Its my fault he does drugs, its my fault, hes not happy, its my fault, he does the things he does to me, its my fault he lies, its my fault for lying in the past. THE PAST….I dont freaking live there anymore, yet I get stuff thrown at me nd questions asked about things done years ago or a year ago when WE WERE NOT TOGETHER. although he forgets he left me each time and moved on with some hoodrat or moved across state with the girl he cheated with and yet I can’t mention that because then its MY fault all that was done. PANIC SETTING IN….