In a few weeks

In a few weeks, I think he’s going back to prison. I’m sad because I’m used to his presence in my life and knowing I wont hug him or touch him or even be in the same room with him for at least 2 years….is upsetting. The idea of my kids not having their dad around is nerve wrecking as well. I do hate that he knows this and still refuses to sleep every single night in the same bed as me. He knows the possibility and has pushed me away as far as he could. He acts like he doesn’t love me most days although I am thankful that for the last 2 days before today he cuddled me kissed me and was my best friend that I could laugh and play with. He was amazing to me the last 2 days. I was priority. I know the man I fell in love with is in there, but hes so clouded with darkness It’s hard for him to come out sometimes. Maybe im just delusional, maybe he never really loved me at all but loved that I loved him unconditionally. Idk. Idk what to believe or think anymore. I do know if he really thinks so low of me and hates me so much, than how could he be faithful to me? I love this man whole heartedly when i was younger I did lie but i have never cheated he thinks i have but i haven’t. I only talked to someone when he was gone and was moving on. anyways i have to go for now weather is picking up pretty ugly here.