days later…

Its been a few days since he said i was a mistake and he’s leaving me soon. Yet, today he lays in bed wraps his arms around me and tells me how much he loves me. ….smh and all my head can say is yeah right….I asked so are you really leaving me again? He said will you just shut the fuck up and I wont just shut the fuck up already. Then he falls asleep. I found out today he’s been lying about a lot of things. Including that his ex was in Colorado when he was in west Virginia. She was up there too. Idk know how to feel anymore, I’m kind of stuck between wanting this to work and wanting to just run the other way. In June if the judge decides he will go away for many years, and He’ll LOVE me then smh. He always loves me when hes sober. Am i the only one? NEVER not even in prison or jail or whatever. I can do everything right, and yet he will always use the past why does he use the past ? Because that’s all he can use to justify what he does. He says I’m a liar and a narcissistic person but he is. He is so damn narcissistic, its sickening. I think I can be at times, I think everyone can be at times, but him…its him its his personality. My kids love him so much, I don’t want to break their hearts. I am just taking this day for day to see what happens, but I can’t help but think he’s still talking to Rebecca (both of them) behind my back. I can’t help but think he wants to go back to west Virginia and go run to be with her only because he’s scared to face court. I know he doesnt LOVE her, he never did he used her to get to west virginia in the first place and like an idiot she fell for it. As soon as they got there he left. As soon as they were in Kentucky he was hitting up everyone for help to get back to Texas to get away from her to come back here. Idk, I aM JUST TIRED..and yes action needs to happen I need to decide whats best for me, but I’m stuck. I love him, or I love who he was….who he can be…not the this version of himself hes created from being locked up and being on drugs. This version of himself is selfish, and just ugly at heart.