Dark
Nobody tells you how dark life is after abuse. The happiness I used to find in simple things ,I can’t find anymore. I dont even know who I am anymore. i search for myself in everything I used to love but the feeling of happiness no longer lingers there. Im scared all the time with no reason why I am, but I am. I’m nervous a wreck. When the kids are too loud it gives me anxiety because Ive been hit in the past over kids being loud and obnoxious in previous relationships in teh last one though…I was tore down with my looks my weight my loves nd dislikes and he used my love to keep me where he needed me. A back up plan until he found better. What is love? Im 37 and do not know how someone truly loves you. I know how to truly love someone without fault. I dont know what being loved feels like. I dont know if I ever wantto feel it, because I myself am no longer happy in life. The only reason I stay is for my kids.
As a 38 year old who feels exactly as you do right now… I promise it can get better for us both. <3
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As someone who is a survivor of abuse, I can testify that it will get better with time. It’s going to take a lot of time, therapy, and even tears… but you can work through it. As for feeling loved, your answer is in the other room being loud. Children love unconditionally, and the love of my kids is what often gets me through my dark days. Let them in and lead you away from your dark days. Good luck, and I wish you peace. Peter,
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Thnk you both
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