on hold

I am on hold on the phone at the home computer so after many months of not writing any entries here I am passing the time on a new diary entry.

Much trying stuff has happened but looked at another way my life has been very quiet. By this I am mean there has been turmoil in my dealings with Claudia but I have not been very active. I am still without any income but I have not looked for any work for the last two weeks. My attempts to search for work have been futile.

The plan at this stage is for us to sell the house in March next year and split up the proceeds. Claudia has argued that I agreed to a 50:50 split before we bought the house despite my contributing an extra $40000. There is also an incomprehensible argument that she paid $6000 towards the car by selling her car and using the funds for other household budget items that should be returned to her as $5000 from me. Financial arguments aside we still manage to share the house by communicating as little as possible. It is of course far from ideal.

I saw rental figures today that indicate I can expect to pay $100 more a week than I currently pay for the mortgage. Yikes! My expectation is that while I will rent I will chew through the funds from the house sale and still not be able to work productively. I saw on paper that I should be able to work in teaching or multimedia. I have to rule out teaching anyone other that adults as I learnt definitively the last time I tried that I don’t have the classroom skills to control students. I think this stems from a lack of will to tell people what to do. As to multimedia, my skills are limited to programming in Flash and that is either dead, dying or a dead end. I also can not currently maintain concentration for a full work day.That all probably means I will have to retrain and work less of a day until I pick up. I need some stroke of genius to come up with a new set of skills.

Sometimes in my most grandiose thoughts I think that a book outlining my mental episodes would be interesting and instructive for other people to read. I am sure that my experiences are not unique but they are mine. I have notes from 2002 that are in a notebook where you can see my decline just from the handwriting turning into scrawl. I have not ever explored those notes as they seem foreign and I don’t want to follow those thoughts into another episode of believing unreality. However if I end up with too much time on my hands perhaps I will write up the ideas as they occurred to me then.

I still enjoy going to Richard’s for beer o’clock on Fridays and sometimes mid-week. I have mentioned to him a couple to times in conversation the book I bought for Claudia some years ago, 50 Philosophy Ideas You Should Know. I think I will buy him a copy to say thanks for his support.

I am giving Jackson An Introduction to Animal Rights and dad Born to Bark for Christmas.