notes on splitsville

Claudia and I had the first detailed discussion about splitting up tonight. I am still angry and sad, it is difficult to remember half of what she said as the emotional turmoil disrupts my memory and when she gets on a roll I am still thinking about an undigested morsel when the next and next and next is presented. I did manage to interrupt to say that I don’t find her assessments of my failings, my desires and my prospects helpful when what I need to hear is why she wants to split up, what she wants. She said of me that I have not been happy for a long time for instance. Anyway eventually half way through the discussion we got to statements like "I am not willing to live in a relationship that goes against my core values" and that we don’t relate in the same way and that I don’t meet her needs for intimacy.

She said she is proud of her email that broke the news that she wanted to split up. (She also said something about not living in a movie in regards to appropriate behaviour, but I found it incomprehensible).

She describing having got on her boat and drifted off a year ago and that I did nothing to stop her.

She also said that we hadn’t had sex often enough in the last year. Amazing. Just the other day she said she wanted to become celibate!

She said that everyone (meaning Pam) would describe me as wanting freedom, that that is what I want out of life.

So I am aggrieved and distressed and so on. I won’t make any big decisions quickly while I am upset, that is one lesson I can take away from 2002, but basically the situation is that Claudia is not willing to put any work into the relationship so there aren’t any decisions left to me about how to repair the relationship or continue living together. That means I probably won’t discuss the selling of the house until the marriage counselling session which unfortunately is not for another 13 days. Claudia wants to live in the house for some indefinite period so that Ella will be less disrupted. While I want good things for Ella I can’t dismiss that I will need money to move on.

Interesting.