death oh death

i wonder if death will welcome me my body defile my soul unrecognizable my heart tinted my mind destroy what use will death have for me will she turn away from will she say come my child and sleep or will she reject me and turn away will she have pity on me or will she be angry with what will she say she has no place will i wonder the earth as a broken sprit or a vengeful sprit  or even sorrowful sprit what will i see befor she come for me or will she come will i be able to rest to sleep to be at peace or will the living still be demining i help them will they forget about me and let me be or will they not let escape them even in death wow my mind is full of questions no answer  i believe death is beautiful i believe she will welcome i believe she hug me in her warm arm i believe this because i see no beauty in life 33 year and every i had to fake my way through i had to suppress all my feeling i believe she will allow me to rest for i know no rest no peace no love no laughter no happiness no joy she will allow me all this as i sleep