i weigh three times my body

It’s funny how when you finally get something you’ve been waiting for, for weeks, days, hours, minute after minute, and after all this, it’s no longer wanted.

Like silence.  Like being alone.

The streets we drive on are comfortably familiar, painfully familiar, comfort and pain.  Such a fine line anymore… past the school and the ghosts of our highschool years, walking the halls and worrying about drama, about people, about nothing at all.   Through the town where we watched several parades, where we carried lemonaide and fries, worrying about boys, about curfew, about nothing at all.    Past the places we’d hang out until 3 a.m. where we’d ignore our cell phones when the caller I.D. said “home,” where we worried about socializing, about who said what, about nothing at all.

All of that is over.  Has it hit me?  In less than a year I will be twenty years old.  Has it hit me?  People around me talk about finding soul mates, about what they’re going to do with the rest of their lives, and I just wish they would stop.  We’re old but we’re not THAT old.  I’m over the wishing away of my life days.   Now that we’re out of our houses people think life as we know it is over, and as we know it, in a way, that part is over.  But this is just the beginning of a new type of life so what’s the rush?  And you know what?  I can wait to be twenty one.  Really.  Because I’m pretty sure there are 2 worthy and valuable years between now and then.   This is such a weird age because we’re extremely old teens, and extremely young adults.  Call me crazy, but it’s a little confusing.  Call me crazy, because I probably am.

Maybe I should just never write anymore entries past midnight.  Yeah, that might be the key.