hey–something’s different in the world today.

The flight attendant peered through a curtain of thick brown bangs, "can i get you a coke? pretzels?"  I looked up from the book i borrowed from my room mate "oh, sure, thanks." she threw them on the rickity little trey in front of me and moved on.  The stress from the airport madness was starting to wear off.  And there’s something kind of therapeutic about being miles and miles above the world and its problems–above layers and piles of rolling white clouds, where there is only you and the sun.   and the screaming baby next to you across the isle.  i rested my forehead against the thick class of my little window, and looking down, i let my sleepy eyes blur before the little plane’s subtle turbulance rocked me to sleep for what must have been a 2 minute nap.

I woke up to the dinging of the pilot’s seat belt light.  We would arrive in St. Louis momentarily.  i felt torn in half over the excitement of seeing my family, and the sadness of knowing i wouldn’t see dan or my friends for a while.  I realized that i might feel this way for a long time.  torn in half. 

I felt better when I saw my mom and sister at baggage claim, and better still when i settled into my mom’s familiar car, with its familiar smell, and its usual stock of assorted snacks.  I went for the M&M’s, and let myself completely let go and laugh with my sister over things that only she would laugh with me about.

When you’re around your family, you have your very well established place– your little nook in their lives. They don’t ask questions, because they already know.  There is nothing to hide, there is nothing to prove.  My mom.. my sister.. they know exactly who i am.  and i’m glad to be reminded.

It’s been a very rough semester.

I am hundreds of miles from my bed, hundreds of miles down unfamiliar highways, past unfamiliar places and unfamiliar people, sitting in a beautiful but unfamiliar living room… and my senses are absorbing a whirlwind of ‘new,’ as i add this place to my growing list of definitions of the word "home."