8/26/05

Oh Alex. There’s not a thing I could say that someone else hasn’t already said. I found out in the car, on my way to Pittsburgh. One of my best friends shakingly poured out the words through the phone and into my head "Something horrible has happened. It’s Alex. Alex Shane." All the life drained from my body with her next few words and it took everything in me to stay in my lane. sobbing, i felt like throwing up right there. Why would you do this? Didn’t you know we loved you?? Didn’t you care?? One week ago, you IMed me. You gave me your cell phone number, and told you to call when I got to Pitt in Oakland because you were getting a house outside of campus and we were going to hang out. We were gonna see what we could remember from our dance-partnership in the musical and laugh our asses off that we did it all in green felt. Remember how Gwen loved you ’cause you picked it up right away?? You picked it up right away hun. Because you could dance if someone wanted you to. You could make anyone laugh if they needed you to. You used to steal my pencils in 8th grade history even when i only had one… and i couldn’t get mad at you cuz you gave me that big goofy alex laugh, the one that lit up your whole face, and I just had to smile. I never would have guessed this from you.. you seemed to have it all figured out. What the hell was going through your mind that night?? What seemed so damn unfixable??? God whatever it was, I hope you’re happy now, ’cause no one else is. I hope that what you’ve done has eased your troubled mind and has finally let you rest peacefully. So I guess we’re not still on for next week are we?? We’ll have to take a bit of a rain check, Alex. I’ll see you in Heaven.

We love you.

Didn’t you know?