top ten signs… *edit with counter-attack*

Stolen from a friend who stole it from cragislist’s “best of”

Top Ten Signs You’re a Fundamentalist Christian

10 – You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 – You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 – You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 – Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!

6 – You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 – You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 – You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”

3 – While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.

2 – You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 – You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian.

Okay, to be fair to the other side, I have to post this list, written by one of my faves, who is a bit of a fundamentalist Christian

Top Ten Ways to Irritate an Atheist:

10.) Tell him/her that, “God loves you, even if you don’t love yourself.” Ask them why they are bitter against God.

9.) Dazzle them with your knowledge of science. When asked what’s wrong with evolution, tell them that it does not account for the origin of matter and life. Use the second law of thermodynamics to disprove it.

8.) Tell him/her that everyone has faith in something.

7.) Ask how he/she can possibly raise a child in a godless environment.

6.) Declare that he/she won’t agree with you because he/she has closed his/her eyes to the Truth. Accuse them of willfully ignoring “the obvious Truth”.

5.) Say that he/she has to believe before he/she can understand the evidence.

4.) After losing an argument horribly, say that you will pray for his/her eternal soul.

3.) Point out the fact that him/her talking about God so much proves God’s existence.

2.) Claim that Einstein was a Christian.

1.) Smile smugly, and say that there are no Atheists in foxholes.