“tears on my pillow…”

“pain in my heart
caused by you…”

i thought i was over it, but apparently i was wrong

today i went to towson with eric and dave (there were supposed to be more people, but they all backed out) to see a movie… we ate dinner in the mall food court and then walked the couple of blocks to the theatre… the mall itself is awesome, even though we didn’t really spend any time in it… its not terribly huge, but it reminds me of KOP mall a lot… so after the movie, we were on the collegetown shuttle coming back to campus and all of a sudden this wave of nostalgia came over me… i was remembering the last time i went to KOP mall–it was with ryan… and i remembered how he used to hold me… i remember feeling so safe and warm and loved in his arms… and i realized how right now, i have no one to hold me, and i just started to cry…. but its not that i want just anyone to hold me… i want ryan back so badly… and i’m going home in a week and a half for thanksgiving… it’ll be the first time we’ve seen each other since the breakup… i don’t know if i’m going to be able to take it… as it is right now, i can’t take it, and we’re still almost 150 miles apart… i thought i was getting over with him and moving on, but i guess what i’ve really been doing is supressing these feelings that i didn’t want to admit that i still had…

why does love have to hurt so damn much?

peace,
~jen