something’s gotta give

“The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you’ll never find it.” ~ C. P. Snow

I’ve been here before. I’ve been depressed, lost, isolated, stagnant, unfeeling, unmoving. But always before, there was something to look forward to; something that wasn’t too far away. This thing whatever it would be, would give me hope, drive, motivation to get through. Right now though, I have nothing. Since I won’t be going to school this fall, I have five long months of work, work, work to look forward to. I still owe my parents money for my car, so I have five long months of being mostly broke to look forward to. Most of my friends are going to school, so I have five long months of no one to hang out with to look forward to. My boyfriend… Jim is also at school, far, far away, so I have (at least) five long months of trying to hold on to something that I’m not even sure is there anymore to look forward to. There has to be something I can look forward to. Something that will give me even the tiniest speck of hope, happiness, motivation. Something’s gotta give. Haven’t I been through enough yet?