my belly button is infected.

Being as I don’t have a navel piercing, it never occurred to me that one could get an infection in this area. But it’s been itching me for about a week and just yesterday i actually looked down there and noticed that it was a little red inside of it. I’ve always been weird about touching my belly button–it feels strange to me… like halfway between a tickle and just… uncomfortable. But I saw a little speck of something in there, so I dug it out, and when I smelled my hands it smelled gross like… well like something infected. The best I’ve been able to come up with by searching google is that it could be a yeast infection? Like ew, a yeast infection in my belly button. So now I’ve been cleaning it with alcohol, but I’m kind of worried that won’t work and then I’ll have to buy monistat for my *belly button*. Bleh. I know it’s because I’m fat. Like, I can’t even *see* my belly button unless I’m trying, and it takes a super special effort to see *inside* my belly button.

I don’t think I’ve ever admitted that I was fat before. “Curvy,” “voluptuous,” “thick”, even “chubby” and “somewhat overweight”… but a few weeks ago I weighed myself and I had actually hit (brace yourselves)…. over 200lbs. It makes me want to cry, because that was one of my pride points before, that at least I had never been over 200 (prior to this, my highest known weight had been 190, upon discovery of which I promptly lost about 15 lbs. I wish I had time to join a gym. Or the motivation to actually get off the couch when I watch the FitTV channel. haha. For the time being, we’ll settle for a diet of coffee and cigarettes.

Randy doesn’t like me smoking, and gives me a *look* whenever he smells cigarettes on me. How many did you have today? he’ll ask. But I really don’t feel like he has any right to say anything when he drinks as much as he does. He doesn’t think it’s the same thing. But in all honesty, I don’t smoke that much… maybe four cigarettes in total on a *bad* day. And I figured out how often I would actually have to smoke in order to become a pack-a-day smoker… it’s ridiculous. Assuming sleep 8 hours a night, you have to smoke one cig every 48 minutes. I could never smoke that much. In my opinion, if you can’t even get through an 8-hour work day without one, that’s when you’ve got problems. For me, it’s still somewhat recreational. Aaaaannnnnnddddddd I don’t need a lecture from any of y’all, so lets keep all comments weight and/or bellybutton related. kthxbai.

Anywho, I meant to be writing about something else, but I forget now what that was.