life is good

life *is* good

well, at least for me it is… prom is in a little more than a month, i have the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for… graduating in two months… going to puerto rico this summer… i’m going to my first choice college at the end of august, and despite a few minor problems with one particular AP class *cough*leskusky*cough* school is going extremely smoothly… i actually for the first time in a long time am completely, entirely, genuinely  happy…

thus, as a result, i find myself falling into the same pattern that i have in the past… for some strange unknown reason, i only feel compelled to write in my diary when something is *wrong* when everything is going perfectly (or at least generally flawlessly) i have nothing to say about it… but the instant something messes up my perfect little microchasm, i could rant for pages and pages about absolutely nothing

which has brought me to a general realization of human nature… when everything goes right, people don’t want to give credit where credit’s due and are often very reluctant to thank anyone who may have helped them achieve a state of happiness, or at the very least, stabilty… they can only think of themselves and what they themselves may have done to help them achieve thier happiness… (hence why i don’t have much to write when things go right, because who would want to hear pages and pages of self-praise?)… for example, in my own case… if i were *completely* self-centered, i could say that my acceptance to JHU was due to my amazing intelligence (note the sarcasm here), astronomical SAT scores, and cramming my schedule so full of extra-cirrics that i don’t have time to eat, sleep, or breathe; i can say that having a boyfriend is due to me having enough guts to ask the guy out rather than wait for him to ask me; i can say that going to puerto rico is from having enough initiative to go to Srta. Hartman’s room to get the permission slip and travel information (that would be *really* stretching it)… or, i could give credit where its due and thank my parents for even suggesting that hopkins might be a good school to look into… thank ms ryan and mrs turner for writing my reccommendations.. thank my friends for having such awesome excursions that i was able to write about one of them for my essay… thank mrs turner (again) for convincing me to take SAT prep… and thank all those guidebooks that tell you that colleges want “well-rounded” students… as for the bf situation, credit is due mostly to alex who suggested that i go to prom with ryan, which led to me asking him on a date… which led to him asking me on a second date…. which led to immense pressure from alex and ren to make it “official” and voila… and puerto rico, i can thank my amazingly cool grandparents who coughed up over $1000 so that i could go…

now on the other hand, as soon as something goes even slightly awry, people are quick to blame anyone and everyone else and not take self-blame where its due… take my AP lit grade for instance… i could rant all night long about how much of an asshole leskusky is, and how much i loathe him, and how much i hate the essays he makes us write… but none of that really gets to the root of the problem, which is really my fault… the reason i’m practically failing that class is because i don’t do my homework, pure and simple… but just as people don’t want to hear pages of self-praise, neither do they really want to hear pages of self-degredation… and its definitely easier to blame someone else for your own problems, despite the fact that it is  more difficult to thank someone for your own successes

at any rate, i am only human, and this realization most likely won’t change anything about my diary writing patterns, being as i actually realized it years ago (though i never articulated it in so many words)…
and much as i would like to break free from any and all systems, even that of nature itself, i am too far indoctrinated (hence why i continue to go to church and say prayers even though i don’t believe them… but thats another subject for antother day) and it is an integral part of human nature to do more often what is easiest than what is most right… so despite this lengthy entry, if things continue to go well in my so-called “life” don’t look forward to many more of this magnitude 😛

peace,
~Jen