DON’T read too much into this

“Don’t think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm.” ~ Malayan Proverb

Well that’s an interesting little proverb, isn’t it?

Moving on… before I continue, let me just state for the record that right now I am perfectly happy. *Smiles* <–see that? happy I am. 🙂 I am not currently feeling depressed, anxious, agitated, upset, worried, or anything else that I have been feeling in the past couple of weeks. So don’t read too much into this. I’ve just been thinking a little is all. Ironically, when I think too much it often leads to me feeling down, so lets nip this in the bud shall we?

I’m probably reading too much into this anyway. Everything’s fine. Better than it has been in a while, I think. Although the befores that weren’t so good were also probably as a result of me thinking and reading too much into things. I tend to make everythings out of somethings and somethings out of nothings. In fact, this already sounds silly in my head, but I’m going to write it down anyway. But it’s probably nothing. Really.

It’s just that… Well… The thing is… when Jim and I are having an IM conversation, one way that we used to end the conversation was one of us would say *muah* (like a little kiss, you know?) and then the other would say the same thing (only he spells it mwah 🙂 ), and then later, or bye, or whatever. It wouldn’t be all the time, but a lot of the time. Lately though, he doesn’t say it. It’s been maybe a week and a half or so since he’s said it. (Of course, for four days out of that week and a half we didn’t talk at all because neither of us was really around, so I’m sure it’s nothing). Sometimes I don’t say it either, so it’s not that big of a deal… but when I do say it, and he doesn’t say it back–that’s when it sort of gets to me. Like today, when he was getting ready to leave, I was like “ttyl babe” and then “*muah*” and he just said “lata babe.” I’m reading too much into this. Please tell me I’m compulsively overanalyzing. Because I am, I know it.
And then there was another thing today… I just happened to say “i miss you” and he said “sorry to hear that.” WTF? Of all the things he could have said, whats with that? If he wanted to be funny and cute, like usual, he could have said “i know, i miss me too” or if he wanted to comfort me, he could have said “i know, i’m working on trying to get you down to see me” or if he just wanted to be sympathetic, he could have said “i know, i miss you too babe”… Even “i know, i’m sorry babe” (even though I guess it means the same as what he actually said) would have been better. He rephrased it after I made a mini-issue out of it, which made me feel a little better, but why did he say it that way to begin with? “Sorry to hear that” is what you say when somebody gets sick, or their dog dies, or their car breaks down. But I’m probably reading too much into it.

What gets me… is that this “break” of ours was supposed to make things less stressful. Which for him, I’m sure it is. And most of the time, it is for me too. But I don’t think I’d be reading hidden meanings into the fact that he hasn’t virtually “kissed” me in over a week if we were still in an actual real relationship. Because then I’d feel somewhat secure, I guess is the reason. Why am I so incredibly insecure?

But I reiterate. Right now… couldn’t be happier 🙂 (okay, actually I could because to say that I couldn’t would be an absolute, and we know that there aren’t any of those.) But not depressed. Or worried. Or anxious. I’m content. Yes, that’s a good word… content. For the time being anyway. So don’t read too much into this. 🙂