deadlines are looming
Today when I checked my e-mail, I had a single solitary mail; not from any friends, or even any relatives. It was an automated e-mail from the Princeton Review online. The subject line? *Deadlines are looming, apply to school today!*
It turned out to just be an advertisement for an online application service, but the subject line made me jump a bit. Thus far I’ve applied to one (count ’em… 1) school. I’ve applied Early Decision to Johns Hopkins University, on the basis that I will get in, and I don’t need to worry…
Except, of course, I *do* need to worry. Yes, my SAT scores may have been higher than all of my friends… yes, my AP scores might have been better… yes, my GPA is higher than some of theirs, despite the fact that I almost never do any homework, and invariably turn in things late… yes, I have been told time and time again by friends, teachers, and parents that I deserve to go there…
but only 100 students every year are admitted into JHU’s Biomedical Engineering program… that’s how they stay the best in the country (and quite possibly the world). So, even though I’m in the top 10% of my class, even though I have good test scores, even though I’m involved in as many extracurricular activities as I could possibly be in without having my head explode… the odds aren’t exactly in my favor…
Which brings me to the point of this. I haven’t even begun to fill out any other applications. My JHU app. was filled out and essays done almost the instant I received it, but with me being so gung-ho JHU (I even put a bumper sticker on my car!) I haven’t really given any thought to other options. Deadlines are less than a month away for the remainder of the schools on my list, and the apps. need to be practically ready to go by Dec. 15th if I don’t get into BME at Hopkins.
The thing is, though, I don’t want to go anywhere else. I love the atmosphere at Hopkins… I love the academic rigor… I love the distance away from home (not too close, and not too far)… I love EVERYTHING about it… to the point where after I visited the campus, I didn’t visit anywhere else. I haven’t even visited Penn yet, and that’s (technically) my 2nd choice school!! So if I don’t get into JHU, I just might die…
Not only that, but filling out college apps. is depressing. It forces me to come to terms with the fact that at this time next year, no matter where I am, I won’t be home. This week is the Thanksgiving football game. It will be the last high school football game I will EVER cheer at… that’s it, the end… this past year so far, Ive had my last ever Cheer camp, Homecoming dance, and now football game. There will be many more “last’s” before the year ends. Every time I think about it, I burst into a fit of tears. I’m leaving things that have been a part of me for the past four years, and its hard to deal with knowing that next year the things that have comforted you the most, and been the most familiar will be gone. And it’s not just the things at school either. While its most often something school-related that triggers a crying jag, I tend also to think about my family… my sisters. For some reason, I don’t know why, I don’t think my sisters will be able to survive without me. My parents work strange hours, and more often than not, I’m the parent figure in the house. If I’m not there, who’s going to pester them to wear their coats, call home at such-and-such a time, do their chores before doing their homework, do their homework before going out, or not to hang out with that person because they’re no good? Even though the older of the two is only a year younger than me, I am years more mature than her…
I am usually able to dismiss ideas such as this, but filling out college apps. makes me think about them… hence why I have avoided them thus far… unfortunately I have to come to terms with it soon, or I’m not going anywhere next year :-/ …