a witch, a tree, and a light…

carlini implored me to write a short story about.. well, see above … so here goes. my short story about a witch, a tree, and a light.
enjoy.

peace,
~jen

once upon a time, there lived a tree.
in a forest.
cuz thats where trees live.
cuz they can’t live at the beach. stop asking so many questions and let me finish the story already!!!
ok. where was i?
once upon a time, there lived a tree in a forest. this tree was a very happy tree, because he had all his tree friends living around him. then one day an evil developer came and cut down all of the trees. the developer had just come to our friend the tree, when all of a sudden a witch appeared out of nowhere! she was ugly and green. her hair was stringy, her nose long, with a wart perched upon the end of it. she did not seem a very pleasant person, and so the tree was very surprised when the witch turned the evil developer into a toad, thus saving Tree’s life.

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so where were we? oh yes, evil witch saved Tree from evil developer… we want to know why, yes? yes, of course we do, silly question. ok so Tree asked her. Tree said, “Witch, why did you save me from the evil developer?” and Witch says, as she points in a distant direction, “over there exists a light–an ever-burning flame. if said flame were to go out, i would die.” we still do not understand, tree still does not understand; Tree says, “Witch, i do not understand. what does this have to do with me?” witch does not want to tell us. witch says “wouldn’t you like to know? i do not want to tell you. instead you shall be forever indebted to me for your life, even as i am forever indebted to you.” tree is confused. we are confused. fix story now. ok hold on … ‘nother commercial break first

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witch says “nothing has anything to do with anything. i dunno why i saved ur life. i think i’m gonna turn u into something more useful.” witch chops down tree. she takes the wood over to the light, and puts it in the flame. it burns brighter, and longer. she says “oh yea, duh… wood fuels flames. i’m such an idiot.” she takes all the trees that evil toad-developer man already cut down, and uses them for fuel too. she turns all the developers in the world into toads, rats, bats, lizards, etc. so that she can have all the trees to ourself. Sad ending for mr. tree. happy ending for witch who lived forever, or at least until all the trees were gone.
THE END

*bows*
*curtain closes*). I was on the debate team, and the student council. I made (mostly) straight A’s and I never studied a day. I had every role; I had no role.

23. What were your interests (sports, cheerleading, music, drama, clubs)?

See above.

24. Write something about your first love.

His grandmother made the most amazing swedish meatballs. I think I lost the bracelet he gave me, although it’s always been my favorite peice of jewellery. We broke up because he moved, but it never would’ve lasted anyway.

25. Have you maintained friendships with anyone from elementary school, high school or university?

Elementary school–sort of. I knew Nicole, Ashley, and Roni in elementary school, and was even “bestfriends” with ashley in third grade, although there was a period of a couple years in which i lost touch with one or all of them.
High school– one word: Penguins.
University–haven’t graduated yet.

PART IV – WORK

26. Are you employed or do you own a business?

I am employed.

27. What do you do on a day-to-day basis?

depends which job we’re talkin about 😛 for one of them i answer phones, do paperwork, and play on the computer <3
for the other, i make sandwiches and salads and coffee drinks <3

28. What do you like/dislike about your job or lifestyle (e.g., if retired)?

I like both of them–they both are very different, but both have aspects about them that i just love. I don’t like that my coffeeshop job doesn’t need me that much though (i was given the night off *again* tonight). But I get free coffee, so it’s all good (sorta)

29. Are you doing now what you thought you’d be doing at this age when you were in high school or college?

In the sense that I’m in college, and when I was in high school, i thought i would be in college at this age, yes. I am not studying at all what I thought I’d study, and I never anticipated that at this age I would be in my third year, but still only a sophomore credit wise. I also never ever imagined that I would be working and going to school, let alone working two jobs and going to school.

30. If you had to do it all over again, would you choose the same line of work or try something different?

I’m already contemplating another change. I bore too easily. *sigh*

PART V – RELATIONSHIPS

31. What is your marital status (married, divorced, widowed, single, in a committed relationship, etc.)?

Single, but not lovin’ it.

32. If married or in a committed relationship, what do you find most attractive/appealing about your spouse or partner? If not, what would you qualities would be most important to you in a mate?

It would be nice if s/he could cook. And dance. And sing. And s/he has to like to cuddle. And talk. And make intellectual jokes that only s/he and I will understand *giggles*… and S/he should look good in a pair of Prada sunglasses *wink* (inside joke).

33. What is the least attractive/most annoying feature or quality about your spouse or partner? If single and unattached, what qualities would be the biggest turnoffs for you in a mate?

Wayfarers. *laughs*(more of that inside joke)… but seriously… arrogance is unnatractive…ummm… that’s all i can think of for now.

34. Do you have or have you had platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex?

yes.

35. With whom in your family do you get along best/least?

best-Momma (didn’t use to be that way)
least– maybe corryn, although i blame it on teen angst.

PART VI – FAVORITES

Who …

36. … do you admire most (can be someone you know or a public persona, living or dead)?

I admire my (late) grandmother.

37. … was your favorite teacher or coach and why?

Mr. Wehr from 6th grade, or Mr. McCaig from high school. It’s a tough call. I don’t really have a reason why.

38. … is your favorite celebrity (actor, musician, musical group, athlete, etc.) and why?

Probably Angelina Jolie, because I think she’s a talented actress, and she’s doing amazing things in the Third World. Although I do also love Oprah, even though so many hate her.

39. … is your favorite head of state, living or dead?

Bill Clinton

What is your favorite …

40. … memory of life before adulthood?

not having to work as a pre-requisite to “eating”

41. … sports or leisure activity?

I’m assuming we’re talking about doing and not watching, so I’ll say cheerleading for sport, and reading for leisure activity.

42. … place to visit?

home.

43. … joke?

who has a favorite joke?

44. … brand of chocolate?

Lindt… truffles… *drools*

45. … number?

23. don’t ask, i honestly don’t know. 42’s a nice number too though 😉

46. … medieval torture device?

that thing that stretches you to all four corners of some table thing.

PART VII – DISLIKES

47. What kind of food makes you gag?

not very much… liverwurst comes to mind. Also saurkraut.

48. Which celebrity do you most despise?

Kevin Federline. Mostly because he’s only a celeb b/c he married britney. For the record, I less than three Britney. So sue me.

49. What kind of music grates on you?

things that involve screaming and loud discordant.. harmonies? (harmonies can’t be discordant by definition, can they?)

50. How do you really feel about surveys?

they’re cool to do when i’m bored, or when i’m avoiding my homework

PART VIII – OPINIONS

51. You’ve stumbled on a magic lamp and the genie has given you the power to set public policy in one area in your country. Select a policy area (e.g., stem cell research, abortion, drug policy, immigration, gun control, foreign policy) and describe what you would do.

Gay marriage. Legal. Done.

52. How would you describe your religious or spiritual beliefs, if any?

Oh boy this is a complicated one. In the most simple terms, I believe that there is a Higher Power (which I sometimes call God for simplicity’s sake, but it is not necessarily the Christian God that I believe in). And now I’m starting to go into the complicated things, *laugh* I know i still need to write the “beliefs” entry I promised a week ago. It’s coming, promise.

53a. After being impeached and tried for international war crimes, should George Bush, Dick Cheney and other criminals in the Bush administration be executed by hanging, firing squad or lethal injection, or should they just be tortured for an indefinite period in a secret prison in a Middle Eastern country?

I’m anti-death penalty, so let’s go with the torture 😛 😉

53b. (If you prefer a more serious question …) You’ve been placed in charge of National Security for your country. The secret service has told you that, through sources believed to be reliable, there is a nuclear weapon planted in a large city that will be detonated in the next 24 hours. Your subordinates tell you that they have a man in custody who might have relevant information. They ask for your authorization to torture the man, if no other methods work to secure the information. Howdo you respond to the request?

the key word here is “might”… what if he actually *doesn’t* have relevant information? despite my answer to the previous question, I’m actually against torture too. I don’t really know how I would respond to this request, especially if it seemed like the only way to get information. :- toughie.

PART IX – EXPERIENCES

54. What is a defining moment in your life – some event or experience that set you on the path on which you’re currently traveling?

Failing.

55. Name three things you’ve never tried but would like to do before you die?

1-Skydiving
2-Visit Europe
3-Sing in a Karaoke bar

56. What’s the worst mistake you’ve ever made?

not deleting my “naughty” pics off my computer before sending it away to be repaired.

57. What’s the best decision you’ve ever made?

Starting this diary. (in the long run, it’s led to lots of other really good things).

Have you ever …?

58. … been on a cruise?

sortakinda. it was a lunch cruise on the spirit of philadelphia on the Delaware River.

59. … contemplated suicide?

sortakinda.

60. … tried any hard drugs like heroin, LSD, cocaine, etc.?

no

PART X – SEX

61. What is your sexual orientation (heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, NOYB)?

I usually say bisexual, although it’s recently come to my attention that I might be more accurately described as Pansexual

62. What physical feature(s) in a man or woman (depending on your preference) do you find attractive?

men: shoulders/arms.
women: legs/ tummy

63. At what age did you lose your virginity?

exactly one week after my 18th birthday.

64. How do you remember that first experience?

stupid. and sad. for a long time i was in denial about it.

65. What is the wildest or most bizarre sexual experience you’ve had?

Without elaborating too much… my first sexual relationship had a strong BDSM dynamic in it. You name it, if I haven’t done it, I’ve at least seriously contemplated it or researched it with intent to do it.

66. Who in your past do you wish you hadn’t slept with (this is already a long survey, so try to keep your list to under 100 names)?

from this list: #1, 3, 7, 8, 12-14, 16-19, and 22. If you can’t see that entry, there’s probably a reason for it. Just know that it’s over half.

67. Who in your past (or present) do you wish you would or could have slept with (again, 100 names or less, please)?

Sometimes I wonder what my exes that I wasn’t sexually active with would be like in bed. Other times I think it’s maybe better that I don’t know. But other than that… just… well he knows who he is.

wow that was long….