Not able to sleep

I seem to find myself laying awake at night letting life drift into my mind.  You know the should of, could of, why nots and didn’t does thoughts.  The ones that make you stomach turn because you know it was your fault or it will become a major issue.  I use to not have those.  When I put my head on my pillow I would be sound a sleep.  Now I feel like I am going to vomit every night when I house is at rest and my thoughts start creeping into my mind. Strangely the only thing that puts me to sleep is the sound of the narrators voice Forensic Files.  I fall asleep to a man explaining murder.  What is wrong with me? His voice is so much like the Sandman to me.

I don’t know which is worse that or the fact that my mind can not rest anymore.  I have the fear of dying that if life isn’t creeping in then this thought will keep me up for weeks.  It not so much the fear of dying as it is no existing anymore.  I believe in Jesus, I just don’t believe that my faith is as strong as it should be.  I think of all the peple who have already died even.  There has to be a heaven for their souls.  Is there a soul.  I mean there has to be.  other wise why do I have these feeling at night.  If I didn’t have emotion then I can understand my body just working as a mechanical machine but there is more to being human.  But yet animals have emotions too.  Okay this has turning into something completely different from my first thought.

This is why I am starting to write things down. I have more in my head that needs to be.