Feeling better about ME

In less that 3 weeks I am going on a Rhine River Cruise starting in Amsterdam and ending in Switzerland.  Of coarse it is for work so my mother will be with me and I will enjoy the time I get to spend with her alone.  It is important for me to make memories with it just being the two of us as we age.  But I have been looking at my outfits I am going to take.  Hair styles I am going to do and what make up I will be taking.  I have always been overweight.  Not as much as I am now but I am at my highest weight.  I use to fade into the back ground around a crowd of people.  Those who are close think I am the most self confident person they know.  But have they ever noticed the way I hide around things.  Pick the places to go and where we sit.  I hid myself well.  Not just physically but “how” I truly felt.  Somewhere along the way in the year or so I have broken that pattern.  I changed my hair color, I have nail designs, watched tons of make tutorial, bought clothes I love to wear, with shoes that look cute, and glasses, I changed to color glasses.  More so I invested in myself.  I tell myself all the time, Damn you look cute.  I call on video chat so I can see how cute I look when I am dressed.  I pick something out and tell myself WOW that is fine today.  I don’t get dressed up daily but I try to make my hair look cute.  I have found something standing out in a room. Not caring what others think.  I know what is on the inside counts and I know how awesome I am, ME that is.  But I still have those feeling and the hearing those bullies when I was younger.  Or being the girl always over looked in a crowd when the boys come calling.  I have changed my priorities too.  I don’t care if my man leaves to not.  I have learned to let go and I am okay alone.  I have never felt that way before.  I really am starting to learn to love who I am and it is showing inside and out.  I can’t believe how a few little changes can make all the difference in how you shine.