I Have Needs

I need to shut my mouth.. I am a good listener but I still need to shut my trap. It is wearing me out responding to all the BS. Just because words enter my ears does not mean they need to flow out of thy mouth
I need to figure out if writing as such is a negative act… scratch that, I figured it out
I have when’s also but geez, I see where this is going

Just writing the above was enough to meet my writing needs and clear my brain just enough to go back at thinking.
I am fluid but yet not enough
I am not sure why now but things are changing fast for me and suddenly I am appearing, if that even makes sense.
I feel so over me and yet completely enthralled with my new self discovery yet over whelmed with what now…
In Feb I started the guifensin protocol, I wish I now I had started a diary then because I am quickly forgetting what I was like before and I now see how good that info would be to know. I will do better on this now.
Concentration is a problem yet I was able to read 8 books the month of March and comprehend them. I can’t remember them all but I know I started on fluff, the middle was on neuroscience (wtf?) and ended in the metaphysical.. again wtf? Metaphysi-anything.. heck, I didn’t know the word much less what it was but I do now.
I had no idea that there was books out there written about me (ugh there’s that me again).
I had no idea I had a label!.. Well, another label.
I had no idea that I am a “highly sensitive person” in books of both neuro and meta.
Gah.. I am proof reading, editing and worrying about spelling and grammer.. I HATE writing like that! It is just a diary so get over it me, cuz it dont even half two make since…haha now that was a mess.

I want to write on the gui protocol.. and fibromyalgia cuz I have some sick need to want to help others. It’s not really sick, I have empathy.
Empathy, that word was big in both the neurosci and metaphys books and is the base for the highly sensitive person. So was energy. I have always known I picked up energy from people but really gave it no thought… until it fell on me and made me look.
Something I read told me to stop when I feel anxious and figure out the what and why of it. Oh I feel the energy of others all right, way more than I had a clue. Tho.. admittedly some things have been hard to prove to myself. Like.. the person in the car that just drove by my house was anxious, it was not me. That is why I could feel it coming, hitting a peak then getting less. The science book would have me work on building up better blocking walls mentally and the meta books give you choice of shutting it down or developing it more or at least looking at it differently. All books agreed the 20% of us that are like that tend do same things in life. We tend to be the artists and the healers and loners. I see myself as neither and both a little.
How can that be.
Now that I have become aware of it, it has been so easy to make changes. I feel I am close to being the calm person I once was. But because I am also doing the gui protocol I just do not have the energy to delve into anything.
If you happen by and then happen to get this far, thank you reading. I really really really mean that.
I have a need to be heard…ugh

Nectar

April 18, 2013

I always hear you my friend. I remember you frightening me once. Now my heart lights up when i see your name. I Lubbas you xxx

it was when I first began reading you and you were talking of telling some people off and I just about fell to the floor. When I got to know you you were so soft and gentle. xxx

Udder

Hiya, Jenna! At least you can write an entry. I can empathize with you when someone drives by… drives me nuts. You’re doing OK if you have time to ponder. Hugzzzzz!!

April 21, 2013

ryn: okay come on continue- help me take my empath abilities to the higher level. I need help at this time. I lubbas you. xxx

you are right there girlfriend. I am a fully fledged psychic that I try to keep hidden from my diary site. I have what I call a knowing. Now continue friend.

ryn: so while I was writing here telling you what I was, you were writing at my diary telling me the same thing. Tell me Jannella after telling me how spooky I am are you the same? Were you talking to that norty son of mine- giving away who his mother really is

Do you realise how much I truly love you as a person. I mean that sincerely in a humanity love not anything that we should shhhhh about. chuckles. I always have and i have always kept you with a space in my diary because I know you will always come back. i hear your voice raising every now and again as you rush in without any decorum whatsoever, and I do exactly the same thing to you. Too brats thinking they can do what they want in each others diaries and they do, and at the same time the respect they have for one another is so high and strong.

Please keep going. And do you realise you are the first person I have told who i am so explicitly too and left it public. See I value you.

you go girl. I am going to put something here for you to read then i need you to delete it. it is very precious to me.

and thus the story grows

you are right it is all just bull****. hahaha

ryn: I never told you she was a child. But she is. she is my inner child

You are there now. You were not even on my friends list. Gosh not sure how that happened. Must have been a glitch at sometime when they changed me to od+ xxx

ryn: you have the gift alright. You ability to know confused energy can affect an entry tells me that. Tell me again what happened with you and Shannon

I believe that 100%. they both died, they both know how it was and ask yourself why we were brought together with Shannon as the names. xxx

April 22, 2013

people like us always get scientific guys. chuckles. you are the best xx

(g)ezebel

May 11, 2013

Jenna!!!! your writing is wonderful and we miss hearing you!!!

beggarofknowledge

May 12, 2013

I’ve missed you.

Ashes to Ashes

July 17, 2013

Thanks so much for your note. I agree, children are very special:)

Ryn: which note were you referring to? I don’t recall a negative note from you lol

Graffiti Forensics

July 21, 2013

I have full control when I document my thoughts that I do not have when speaking of them to people giving me a fraction of their attention. It helps.

July 23, 2013

Ryn: oh trust me, I know what you mean. I didn’t intend to make it sem as though I am against getting back with her. I an just very curious, given the sudden change in her. It’s possible that she is finally realizing I’m a good guy. The only thing that concerns me about getting back with her is the fact that she isn’t exactly an emotional person. Back when we were dating, she said that feelings “scare” her. I’m not sure exactly what she meant by that. It’s possible she is just afraid to live someone that deeply. That is what makes me reluctant to open up to he’d like that. I’m a very intense, emotional guy. When in a relationship, I am very loving and affectionate. She isn’t exactly on the same wavelength if you know what I mean. I’m just a very passionate person overall. I need someone who is equally so. I also don’t want a potential relationship to have a negative impact on my son. He is the most important thing to me right now! I hope that helps you to understand my thought process a bit better.

July 24, 2013

Thank you kindly for your notes:) It looks as though you haven’t written an entry in awhile. Why not?

EWS

July 26, 2013

RYN: Which browser and browser version are you using? If you’re using Internet Explorer 10 and are having trouble with the editor when you try to write an entry, you have to turn on Compatibility View in IE10 to use the editor. Click the icon on the toolbar that looks like a torn piece of paper. Eric