The Wallpaper Deviation

I’ve always loved the idea of wallpaper.  It’s so interesting and sophisticated!  It calls to mind a bygone age of ladies drawing rooms in manor houses, overlooking pretty country gardens and courtyard fountains.  Wallpaper is not something we commonly do in South Africa.  The most creative my family ever got with wall-coverings was when Carly, as a teen, painted her bedroom a light shade of apple green and then sponged on a pattern in lilac.  It was trippy stuff.

I’ve always wanted wallpaper.  Seeing the incredible After Photos of the caravan refurb done by Caro and Dickie of the aforementioned Twinkle Diaries (https://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk/) reminded me of how much I’ve always wanted wallpaper.  The caravan seemed like the perfect opportunity to make that finally happen.  Bombarded as he was with about 1000 Pinterest images of why wallpaper was the way to go in our van, Dean was persuaded and, together, we set off early on the Saturday morning of our second weekend, bound for the only shop in the area that sells the stuff.

Lynn and I had done a recce of sorts during the week, and I already had an idea of what I wanted. I was loath to commit without Dean though, as he’d have to live with the decisions made as much as I would.  Also, he’s fun to shop with.

It was a thoroughly enjoyable morning.  The shop in question has a shelved section bursting with sample books of wallpaper in ever imaginable shade, pattern and style.  We paged through dozens of catalogues, occasionally pausing to consider a piece before eliminating it or adding it to the Possible Pile that grew in the middle of the table between us.  Eventually we narrowed it down to six designs, then three and finally…we had our paper!  Cue the bubbly saleslady who congratulated us on our choice and tried hard not to look too disappointed when we told her we only needed four rolls for the caravan.  We didn’t do as good a job of masking ours though, when she informed us it would arrive in 6 – 8 weeks, once ordered from overseas.

Drat.

We went back to the catalogues, this time focusing on the ones produced in South Africa with only a 10-day waiting time for delivery.  More paging, considering and eliminating until we settled on another design that we decided was just as good as the first.  Feeling accomplished, we approached the cash register.  The same smiling saleslady rang up R3800 for the four rolls of paper and Dean handed over his credit card.  She swiped it.  It went through.  All fine.  No problems.  Smiles all round.

R3800.00

Three thousand, eight hundred rand.  For four rolls of wallpaper.  For my American readers, that’s about $250. Walking out of the shop, I was trying to process that number in my head.  It wouldn’t compute.  Surely, we hadn’t just spent more than a 10^th of the ENTIRE VALUE OF THE CARAVAN ON WALLPAPER?!?!

But we had.  Dean’s smile was a little fixed as we drove out of the parking lot. I knew he was doing the mental maths too.  Someone had to say something, fast.  I did.

“What the hell did we just do”, said I.
“Ahhhhh….that was a little more than I expected”, said my obviously shell-shocked hubby.
“We’re not spending R3800 on wallpaper for a ******* caravan”, I opined.  He nodded.  He kept nodding.   No, we weren’t going to do that.  Before we hit the first traffic light on Old Main Road, I’d telephoned the store and cancelled the order.  The saleslady understood.  She agreed it was a bit much for a caravan.  Of course, a refund would be possible.  No trouble at all. Smiles all round.

Feeling giddy with relief, and more than a little silly, Dean and I headed to Woolies for lunch (they have the Beyond Burger, and our little vegan souls needed sustenance after our ordeal). Replaying the event over our meal we decided that, henceforth, we would have a codeword when either of us felt that the other was about to commit to something neither actually wanted.  One of those secret signals that married couples send each other to Abort Mission.  From now on, and forever, that codeword will be : Wallpaper.

With a new appreciation for why no one has wallpaper in South Africa, we cast around for Plan B. I suggested a trip to Builders for inspiration, and there we found just the thing: Patterned Contact Paper, at R64.00 per 5m roll. We also found vinyl floor tiles to match, and walked out half an hour later with everything for just over R600.  That, we decided, was more like it.  Phase Two of Project Caravan Renovation awaited, and we set off home with a story to tell.  Smiles all round.