But first, introductions

We’re really doing it.  And, by we, I mean the ragtag bunch of humans-of-varying-sizes that constitutes Us.  Our Family. The Inscrutables.

Introductions are in order (and in no particular order):

Dean (47) – Handsome, handy, teller-of-terrible-jokes, extremely capable and currently gainfully employed as a professional I.T consultant for a large I.T-thingy company that installs Very Big Solutions for Very Big Companies worldwide.  I think.  He does tell me, and I do understand.  Kind of.  Anyway, Dean is also an engineer and a polymath – he has a broad knowledge of many things, an insatiable (and very sexy) desire to Learn New Things and a resultant skill-set that includes (but is not limited to) electrical maintenance, carpentry, plumbing, building, auto-electrics, mechanics and security systems.  He loves water-skiing, Strawberry Pops and clever gadgets.  He hates bigotry, illogical thinking and unfairness or nastiness.  He can’t cook or make a drinkable cup of tea, but that’s all we’ve been able to find wrong with him. For fun, Dean reads very serious books and watches cat videos on YouTube.

Jen (39 ½) – Daydreamer, traveller, slightly-worn hippy with a love of all things literary and a tendency to wander off.  Currently the co-owner of a very busy travel consultancy that keeps her out of mischief and on her toes 27/4, Jen spends her days living vicariously through her clients and adding more things to her Bucket List.  At last count, she has to live to 157 to get through them all.  An as yet failed-but-resolute gardener, Jen’s happy places are libraries, gardens and wherever her tribe is gathered.  A wordsmith at heart, her dearest wish is to travel the world and write about it. Jen’s handy with a screwdriver and can generally hold her own in a DIY crisis.  She loves adventures, cosy evenings with family and hedgehogs.  She hates pretension, injustice and waste.  When not slaving away behind her laptop, Jen is to be found either pottering away in the kitchen or in the library with her nose in a book.  She won’t hear you if you call her, so its best to throw things until she looks up.

Lynn (66) – Granny, Mom, Live-In Babysitter, Chief-Cook-and-Bottle-Washer.  Prodigious knitter, of the witchy kind that can weave wool into impossible creations whilst watching TV, reading a book, cooking dinner and helping three kids with homework.  Simultaneously.  We receive many offers from others hoping to adopt her, or at least borrow her for an hour or two, but we could never give her up.  She is literally the glue that holds the whole thing together. Lynn loves wool shopping, owls and trips to the coast.  She loathes people who whine, clothes that require ironing and selfishness.  She is the Mistress of Quiet Efficiency and Forethought, and is unmatched in her ability to pack everything you need for any trip at all, even before you know you need it.  People love talking to Lynn.  She can’t avoid them.  She once had a 20 minute conversation with an old lady on a bridge in Venice, in fluent Italian, without the benefit of actually speaking Italian.  She always has tissues.

Carly (37) – The animal lover in the family and tireless crusader for any underdog, anywhere, Carly is the champion of good and the defender of innocence that everyone needs on their side in a fight.  It’s best not to fight with her.  She argues like a Jesuit and has been known to bite.  Also, she bravely battles MS every day, so you don’t scare her.  The other co-owner of the aforementioned busy travel consultancy, Carly’s forte is being so incredibly nice to people that they completely forget that the thing she needs them to do for us wasn’t their idea in the first place.  When not charming the known universe, she is to be found playing with her dog, playing with other people’s dogs, reading about dogs or tirelessly assisting in the rescue efforts of dogs. She’s not fussy, either.  The possession of a wet nose, paws and fur elevate you way above most humans in Carly’s estimation.  She’s probably right.  Dogs are better.

Uchenna (12) – aka Boo. Boobalooloo. Booboo-Fluff.  Our Boo.  The original fairy-child-warrior-princess, Uchenna is the giggle in everybody’s day. Naturally gifted in the arts of cheer and hopeful daydreaming, she brings light and levity into every room.  Lately, as the much-anticipated teen years approach, the rest of us can’t help but notice a rather delightful note of dry wit emerge in her youthful musings on the world-as-she-sees-it, coupled with an irreverent sense of the absurd that will probably get her into trouble one day. A bookworm since birth and a lover of quiet pleasures, Uchenna adores anything she can share, be it a meal, an adventure or a walk round the block. She hates the rude, the loud and the vexing.  Also, authors who can’t finish their stories properly and anyone who disses The Potterverse. During our three-week trip though Italy when she was 9, she solemnly vowed to sample every possible flavour of gelato there was to be had, and did.

Ethan (7) – When Ethan was two, he decided to become a Construction Engineer.  He hasn’t changed his mind.  Thus, no pile of sand or rainwater puddle is ever spared the benefit of his attention or increasing expertise. When forced by weather and annoyingly-fastidious mothers to be indoors, the Lego Box is a good substitute for mudbricks, with no plans needed by our intrepid designer. No plans needed, because he hasn’t forgotten anything since 2015.  Not a thing.  Remember that time when you said that thing you said to that person you met on the escalator outside Checkers on your way to the movies three years ago?  Ethan does.  Verbatim.  It’s terrifying. When not building things or freaking his parents out with his near-perfect recall, Ethan is to be found in his happy place, which is anywhere Boo is.  She’s his favourite.  Other favourites include pancakes, pizza and the Transformers.  Ethan’s super power is that he can eat more sushi than you can.  Yes, he can.  Trust me.

Matthew (2-and-a-bit) – We should have called him Jack-Jack.  It fits because, like Jack-Jack, Matthew’s favourite medium is chaos.  Loud, messy, ongoing, never ending, delightful chaos.  Of the clan, Matty is definitely the hardest to keep alive.  In a room fully of fluffy toys, he’d find a straight-razor and a box of matches.  Immediately.  Proof positive that children are made of mostly-rubber, Matty bounces off surfaces and narrowly avoids disaster three times a minute.  However, like some kind of cherubic Hermes, he can undo 2 years’ worth of broken sleep and the kind of psychosis that results from repeating Put That Down four hundred times in half an hour with a smile, a hug and a well-timed Wuv-You-Mommy.  Matty likes Peppa Pig, helicopters and chocolate.  He dislikes grown-ups who won’t let him watch Peppa Pig, eat chocolate or run outside to look at helicopters at bath time. He’s also pretty sure that clothes are unnecessary torture implements designed to subjugate the masses.

And that’s us.  We seven.  About to begin one of the greatest adventures of our lives.

Join us.