no.. not dead

I am definitely a ‘think to talk’ person.  If confronted I take pause.  The pause is a mixture of panic willing myself to articulate exactly what I think my message should be and empty space for body language to fill.

When I take things in (my socialized self) the way I expect others to communicate with me; I’m wanting to hear the ‘whys’ first, then the ‘who’.  I want others to value innovative ideas and be open to suggestions.  I think they should expect questions and discuss options.  I need that input to develop strategy to overcome problems or issues.

My rational self or how I put things out to others is more generalized information-type roles.  I enjoy research, communication and planning activities.  My usual approach is thoughtul and moderate.  When managing, I develop insight, using expertise and sharing ideas.  I’m pretty anal about being proficient and self-directed.  (this is NOT how I expect you to be!)

I don’t expect people to be a certain way and tend not to be judgemental.  I have learned that most people are neither good nor bad, they just ‘are’.  And that fascinates me really.  I learn from you.  I am honored you touch my life.  Though am not naive enough to believe that there are not any bad people in this world; or good for that manner.

When I am under healthy stress I tend to be more ‘all about  the plan’.  I need to have stability to obtain ‘closure’.  I want everyone to have a good outcome.  I worry how you are feeling, whether or not you like me.

I haven’t been writing because I’m not in a good place in my head right now.  I know others purge here and it seems to help them overcome.  I don’t purge because I think if I write it down, it will stick to me until the end of time.

Family is good, we’re working, school, soccer, playing and all the regular life stuff in an okay and semi-sane manner.  A few issues with the teenager (to which he is currently grounded-wonderhowthatwillworkout).  But I try to stay consistent in my messages and actions to them.  (Where’s the damn parent manual I say!)

I’ve been reading you all every few days or so having to catch up on you (thank God) more prolific journalists.  Travelling way too much.  I think 3 Boston trips since I last wrote.  Will be heading back to Andover, MA last week of October for a Capstone Event in my Mentor Skills program. (Awesome program, awesome awesome awesome!) I have a trip to LA the first part of November for another work summit.  Highly honored to be able to attend this next one.  So I guess the work front is pretty darn good, though still feel inadequate to fill this role.  I wonder if I’ll ever get over myself??

I’ll go back to quietly reading you all now.  I’m so VERY proud of some of you!  You’re strength, resolve and compassion never ceases to amaze and uplift me.