Better today

Sorry so dark with despair yesterday.  You guys are so sweet.

Honestly.. there are good days and then there are bad days.   I did get my period yesterday and those first days I always struggle with feeling down.

I am sad a lot.  And I miss my brother oh so much.  There are six of us kids, but he was the only one I was close to.  I have some of the self destructive behavour traits he possessed, though alcohol is not one of them.  If you knew him… he was loving and kind and big and brusque.

I sometimes wonder what the hell did my folks do to mess us kids up so much?  Or is it life?  I am so fortunate in what I have that I cringe to think of why I despair.

So complicated.

I should catch everyone up on what’s going on, but things have been so so busy that even when I come here to catch up on you all I’m reading back several entries.  Thank you to those that are keeping me on your favs lists.  I don’t blame you though if you take me off.

I’ll probably privatize the last entry.  It was helpful and comforting to see your kind words.

Love you all.