A lot happens in two months, apparently.

 So platonic was sort of a lie.  Or maybe it wasn’t then.  But it most certainly is now.

It’s better this way.  Except that I’m becoming attached to you.  Addicted almost.  Like I don’t feel functional if you’re not there.  I’ll work on it I guess.  This happened too fast.  I normally don’t become this dependant on a person for at least a year or so.  It would be scary, but I trust you.  More then I trusted the last couple people.  Enough to tell you, not just the truth about the lies, but the stories behind the truth.  With the true state of my soul, perhaps.  Whatever the secret, I believe you will keep it.  And if you don’t, I’m sure I’ll survive. I have the last couple times.  What’s another stab in a heart that is already bleeding, but reassurance.  The world still hates you.  But I do hope for healing instead of hurt.  Either way I’ll change.

I heard once that women go into relationships hoping their men will change, and men go in hoping their women won’t ever change, but neither ever get their wish.  I think that’s a lie.  I think everyone has to change.  No matter if your a man or a woman.  You may not change in the ways expected, or asked for, but I’m certain that you will change.  It is impossible not to.  If you didn’t, then you couldn’t have been in love.  No one who matters that much to someone else can leave that person unaltered.  Whether good, or bad. 

The last couple tries turned out bad.  The impact was negative, and the results were devastating.  Its taken a ridiculously long time to even see signs of recovery.  But now that I am–now that there is light at the end of this proverbial tunnel–it makes me realize that whatever the impact, negative, or positive, I will be better because of it.  I have no other choice.  It’s either that or I die. 
So, here we go again, with a lot less expectations but a little more hope.  We’ll just have to wait and see, I guess.  That’s all we ever do it seems.  Wait and see.