09/12/2010

I hate the way I write. I hate that I cannot use words that I enjoy without sounding like an idiot. I hate that my sentences are mostly all the same length. I hate that I am repetitive. I hate that I cannot get what is in my head on the paper. I hate that I cannot write what I read. I hate that the English language has been chopped down to an eighth of its original size. I hate that no one appreciates grammar. I hate that I don’t know as much as I want to know. I hate that I am terrible at spelling. I hate that when I read things I’ve previously written I am embarrassed by them. Actually I hate that I am embarrassed by the majority of what I say and do. I want to like myself. I want to like what I’ve worked on. I want to love what I have once loved. I am completely enraged by my inconsistency. I am a hypocrite. It’s disgusting. Seriously, I am offended at myself. There are so many things I want to do! There are so many changeables I want to embrace. But I don’t! I don’t! Why? Why am I such an idiot when it comes to my life?! Why am unable to make simple choices? This is getting excessive. Irrational.
I’m sitting at Starbucks. I am being that person. That terribly annoying person sitting at Starbucks, typing on their laptop, drinking out of an "in-store" cup like they are the coolest thing since the Frappuccino, oozing self-importance, making normal people want to take that neutral colored, super-trendy scarf they are wearing and strangle them with it. I hate those people. Also, it smells like Nathan. Something smells like Nathan. Why? I have no idea from where it is coming, but it is completely strange and unnecessary. At least it isn’t Jeffery that I smell. I might not be able to handle that right now. My word. The people working today are very concerned with the state of the floor. They have come out to sweep it something like five times since I’ve been here. It is very clean.
Rachel McCauley is getting married. Weird, right? I know. It’s totally weird. Its messing with my brain. I’m not quite okay about it yet.
Now they are MOPPING the floor. The OUTSIDE FLOOR! Outside! Where there is dirt and birds and leaves. What on earth? These people have some sort of floor cleaning problem! Seriously.
My pumpkin spice latte is gone. So I guess I’m done being that person. At least that is good news…