update

I have been stressed about work, so just haven’t gotten on much. Trying to chill. It will be better after tomorrow.

We did get our new bed while dau and bf were here. I sleep better than ever. I have insomnia tonight, but that is because I had caffeine too late in the day. Plus I fell asleep and got woke up. Now my mind is racing…..

Of all things, I got very sick while dau and bf were here. I even had an allergic reaction where my eyes swelled up and mattered shut, on top of cough, cold, you name it gunk. By the end of the week, when they had other plans to be out of town, I was well again. But we had a wonderful time regardless, and I learned that they didn’t get sick after they left.

now with finals coming up I think they are ill because they are running on empty. Dau said she had a cold. She sounds pretty run down.

I had started an entry some time back that I want to express so I will paste it here: It is kinda long….

2006 A year of great changes

I was glad to see 2005 go as the end of it had been very difficult. The beginning of 2006 wasn’t much better, but it held hope for the future as far as my job was concerned. I wanted to quit my job so badly in the fall, and still I hate it, but the reasons for hating it are beginning to abate. I will save that for another entry.

My youngest will graduate and turn 18 this month.

I don’t know what it was, but I skipped my period for a while, don’t even know when the last time was that I had it. It was entirely possible I was pregnant. My first response was no. Didn’t want to do that. My daughter is 20. I thought my son would be disturbed by this news. I had decided I would not tell anyone until I knew for sure. Hub knew.

As time went on, I warmed up to the idea. I mean, my other kids are cool. Why not? If this is what the Lord had in mind for me, I would accept it and I would love this child. I was thinking about home schooling, something I wanted to do with my firstborn but never did because life just got hectic and I didn’t have the patience to be teaching a child. Although we did a lot of learning at home because we are curious, and yes, nerds. (Both my kids ACT scores were in the 30’s)

I will get back to this.

A year ago, my daughter decided she didn’t want to date anyone until she met someone she would consider marrying. She had difficulty with her bf not wanting to talk about spiritual things, and that is what my dau loves to talk about. Her ears perked up a bit when a guy she was intimidated by and blatantly ignored talked about his church, his youth group, stuff like that. Stuff her bf always wanted to avoid talking about. The story grows from there. We love this guy. I never thought I would want my daughter to date anyone, because no one was good enough for her. Even the guys she dated thought that they were not good enough for her, but they couldn’t resist. This guy was good enough. Too good to be true? Where’s the catch? We kept looking for it, but it never appeared.

When they first started dating I told dau he is going to have to decide if you are worth waiting for because you can’t run off yet. Regardless, their relationship grew. He had his career planned out and he was going to be moving this May. Meeting dau changed that. He intended to take her with him, but she has scholarships and that would not be wise. She didn’t ask him to stay. He just doesn’t want to leave her behind.

Dau tells me everything. Her concerns. Her dreams. What he says. Their plans. Bf was constantly working on her to marry him. He didn’t come out and ASK, but he wanted to make plans. What if? And how would this work? What about this issue? What do you think? Scary stuff. This is such a great story I hate to cut it short. Cutting to the chase, he asked hub if he could ask dau to marry him just yesterday. He has changed his career plans to include two more years of school. But they plan to marry before they are done with school. Hub gave them his blessing. Earlier in the year, we thought we had a couple years until she was done w school. Nope.

Back to the question of my being pregnant. Selfishly I did not want to be pregnant at my dau’s wedding. I didn’t want to be chasing around a 2 yr old when dau was having children. Being as old as I am I wondered about abnormalities too. So I went to the dr. The lab was closed that day so they couldn’t run the preg test. I told them I would come back the next day. That night I had a dream. Well, a nightmare. I dreamt I was carrying a newborn baby around. The child kept getting stiff and not breathing. So I would rub the baby’s back and focus all my attention on the baby. It would relax and breathe. Then I would go back to what I was doing, carrying the baby the whole time, and it would happen again. I would stop, focus on the baby and stroke his back. This happened a few times, and finally, the baby did not respond. I woke up thinking this was quite ominous.

Sure enough, I went in and the test was negative. I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO disappointed! Here I was not wanting a child, I am too old, etc. Yet when I find out that I am not pregnant, I am disappointed. I told hub, and told him I was disappointed. He said he was too. I was very surprised. We are almost 50! He is worried about our empty nest next year. I was looking forward to it. The best part of the deal if I had been pregnant, is that I would have for sure quit my job, no question. So anyway, my daughter knew from hub what was going on. Don’t know if son ever knew. Don’t know if it would bother them or not. Maybe they would love it. But, hey, I guess not now. Really, I would be almost 70 by the time the child was 20! It would be OK, but I would rather focus on grandchildren if they are to come about!

Since I typed this up a few weeks ago, a lot has changed at work. I will go into that in another entry some time.

faith hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.